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CPF Parody Challenge: Round #1: iramets vs. MFS62

Which song do you prefer?

iramets	16 votes
MFS62	5 votes

iramets Jan 09 2007 08:20 PM

"Nice Nice Bobby" by Bonilla Nice (apologies—not really—to Vanilla Ice, for his big one-hit wonder “Ice Ice Baby” http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/iceicebabylyrics.html) When I come from Pitt, gonna be yo’ saviour (ain’t telling shit ‘bout my shitty behavior, Egocentric nonsense, demanding your awe, Gonna be a star more super than Straw). Came here as a star, yo, like George Foster (only wit’ the Pirates, yo, wit’ Bonds on their roster, Leyland didn’t need me to be the big bopper Hitting 20 big flies didn’t make me no flopper!) Nasty fuckin’ writers shove they Bics and Mont Blancs Up my ass, yo, Gonna show them the Bronx! Call them names that are ugly and vile But smile for the camera my gold-toothed smile Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! I’m a playa, yo, but I ain’t no hater, Fielding like the ball’s a burning hot potater— When I drop a few, some official scorer, whose mutha is a bitch or skank or whore or something real bad, yo, writes on the scoreboard a big bright “E” ( I couldn’t be more bored with what he thinks, yo,) but I phone up that jew-boy Horwitz and say, just like a grown-up, “Take that ‘E’ down! You can’t diss me, And you know damn well, you don’t wanna piss me.” Off! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Cameras catch me, yo, screaming in the dugout, So from my locker I pull a plug out, Stuff ‘em in my ears when the fans start booin’ (How on earth could that start problems brewin’?) Reporters ax me if I was screamin’ ‘bout the E-9 On the phone to Horwitz. “No, no, it was benign. I was axing Jay if his cold was better— I offered to cook soup and knit a sweater” Nice! Nice! Bobby Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Got no idea why the fans’d flip the bird— I boot fewer balls in right than third, I style ‘round the bases, run slow and odd, Hit sometimes, make more money than God. Trade me to the O’s, with a gratuity Of a mere thirty-year annuity. Ya think I was the worst the Mets had come across? Then why’d they get me back for Mel Rojas? Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Got back to Shea, yo, in nineteen ninety nine Gonna be a mega-star for Bobby Valentine But Bobby sat my ass, which was dumber than it Seems, just ‘cuz I weighed more than a planet. Just because I weighed a little more than Jupiter, Why did Bobby bench me? That was acting stoopider Than anyone, so my Mets career got tricky When I dealt some poker to my running buddy Rickey. Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Nice! Nice! Bobby! Bonilla! Yo man - Let's get out of here! Word to your mother!

MFS62 Jan 09 2007 08:28 PM

Song: David Cone Threw the Laredo Subject: David Cone Parody of: The Streets of Laredo (arranged & adapted by Arlo Guthrie. Sung by many Country artists)_________________________________________________________ David Cone threw a pitch he called “Laredo” He used it for strikeouts when a Met out at Shea It made righty batters soil their white linen When it came way of third base, turning feet into clay. " I couldn’t get ready when I saw the pitch go by " Those words batters said as they started to cry. They’d start to bail out, then swing the bat weakly And the Mets fans would cheer at each futile try. Cone went twenty and three, a year he could have pride in Nineteen eighty-eight was a fun year at Shea. Before years of Met stinkin’, before the card-playing When Cone threw Laredo, it would be a good day. Then batters began to not swing at Laredo They’d then let it go by, have it just called a ball. You see, the pitch wasn’t a strike very often And once they all knew it, Cone’s success rate did fall. Oh, still he would throw it, aiming outside and lowly And sometimes they’d swing and miss, to the cheers of the throng. Then there was that sad incident out in the bullpen When they sent him to Toronto, he knew he’d done wrong. We still think of Laredo, thrown outside and lowly And we thought his career for the Mets would be long. But they couldn’t forgive him that one peccadillo When out in the bullpen he showed fans his schlong.

Nymr83 Jan 09 2007 08:30 PM

and here i was thinking Ira wasn't good for anything, nice job.

ScarletKnight41 Jan 09 2007 08:51 PM

An interesting contrast in style. Good match-up!

soupcan Jan 10 2007 07:11 AM

Good submissions both but 'Nice, Nice Bobby' blew me away.

Johnny Dickshot Jan 10 2007 07:28 AM

I'm voting for Nymr's review. Really, quality submissions. As I was reading the first one I'm thinking, Jeez, Bonilla uses an awful lot of ebonics ... is this appropriate? Then I realized it was a parody of Vanilla Ice, who himself was affecting ghetto slang...

iramets Jan 10 2007 10:32 AM

To give MFS62 his props, yo, the line about Cone making "righty batters soil their white linen" was mad funny, expecially if you know "The Streets of Laredo," you know what I'm sayin', homies?

MFS62 Jan 10 2007 07:10 PM

Thanks, Ira. But it looks like this cowboy has gone to his last roundup, so I'm tossing in my ten gallon Stetson (which, by the way were made up here in Danbury,CT). You whupped me fair and square. I won't be hanging my head over this loss. If mine hadn't been the song up against yours, I would have voted for yours, too. It was almost the perfect baseball song parody. It fits most/all the criteria by which I try to write and evaluate these things. Yours: Follows the rhythm and syntax of the original Tries to rhyme as much as possible with the original Song appropriate to the player Includes at least one mention of the player's full name (first, last, or both), not just a nickname No repetitive nonsense lyrics that don't move the "story" along, just fill space. Kudos, Later

Diamond Dad Jan 10 2007 09:03 PM can't vote

Must abstain here since I've never heard either song, so it's impossible for me to evaluate the parody value.

iramets Jan 11 2007 04:02 AM

Johnny Dickshot wrote: I'm voting for Nymr's review. Really, quality submissions. As I was reading the first one I'm thinking, Jeez, Bonilla uses an awful lot of ebonics ... is this appropriate? Then I realized it was a parody of Vanilla Ice, who himself was affecting ghetto slang... Thanks for all the love, guys. For me, almost the best part was going back and reviewing the early 90s when Bonilla and Vanilla were the two biggest phonies on the planet. Good times, good times. It seems impossible for one guy to be so consistently involved in controversary, phoniness, dissimulation...and he's still on the freakin' payroll!