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Choose Your Poison

Edgy DC Jul 18 2005 01:20 PM

You've written the script of scripts. Like you were communing with something other than yourself and it was delivered unto you and poured out through your word processor. When you dangle it, Hollywood bites. But only one studio, and they insist you pick one of their inexplicably always-working, occasional-big-box-office, craptastic bad-action hack directors for your beautiful work. With the requisitie gun to your head, rank these suckers in the order of your willingness to turn your baby over to them. Joe Dante Robert Zemeckis Joel Schumacher Richard Donner Michael Bay Paul Verhoeven

Vic Sage Jul 18 2005 01:31 PM

Verhoeven has made some indisputably excellent films, so he'd top the list. And Schumacher should be burned at the stake, so he's at the bottom. Zemeckis is not to my tastes, but he's at least competent. And Tom Hanks will probably be in it, so its worth taking a chance with Bobby if Paul V is too busy. Dante, Donner and Bay... sounds like a law firm, or 3 of Santa's reindeer. Donner and Dante have both had ocasion to make good films, but Donner is really a tired old hack at this point, and Dante's cartoon sensibility is more akin to my own. Bay's movies are loud and obnoxious and stupid. Still, he's not Schumacher so he has that going for him. Therefore, my list in descending order: Verhoeven Zemeckis Dante Donner Bay Schumacher

soupcan Jul 18 2005 07:27 PM

Zemeckis did Back to the Future if I am not mistaken. Good enough for me. Verhoeven did Showgirls right? Naked chicks always make movies better so if he got it, that'd be fine. The others I don't know enough about to opine on.

Vic Sage Jul 20 2005 11:36 AM

for those unfamiliar with the works of this particular list of directors... [u:seblymvh]Verhoeven[/u:seblymvh] Hollow Man (2000) - sucked Starship Troopers (1997) - bad, but fun Showgirls (1995) - awful, but fun Basic Instinct (1992) - overrated Total Recall (1990) - good Sci-fi RoboCop (1987) - GREAT Sci-fi Flesh & Blood (1985) - bad The Fourth Man (1983) - GREAT Spetters (1980) - ok Soldier of Orange (1977) - GREAT [u:seblymvh]Zemeckis[/u:seblymvh] The Polar Express (2004) - mediocre Cast Away (2000) - overrated What Lies Beneath (2000) - bad Contact (1997) - decent Forrest Gump (1994) - EXTREMELY overrated Death Becomes Her (1992) - bad Back to the Future Part III (1990) - bad Back to the Future Part II (1989) - bad Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) - GREAT Back to the Future (1985) - okay Romancing the Stone (1984) - mediocre Used Cars (1980) - good I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978) - mediocre [u:seblymvh]Dante [/u:seblymvh] Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) - suckola Small Soldiers (1998) - amusing, but bad Matinee (1993) - surprisingly not bad Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) - bad The `burbs (1989) - real bad Amazon Women on the Moon (1987) - some funny bits, but bad Innerspace (1987) - bad Explorers (1985) - not terrible Gremlins (1984) - GREAT Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) (segment 3) - good The Howling (1981) - GREAT Piranha (1978) - bad Hollywood Boulevard (1976) - bad [u:seblymvh]Donner [/u:seblymvh] Timeline (2003) - bad Lethal Weapon 4 (1998) - suckola Conspiracy Theory (1997) - mediocre Assassins (1995) - bad Maverick (1994) - bad Lethal Weapon 3 (1992) - mediocre Radio Flyer (1992) - bad Lethal Weapon 2 (1989) - mediocre Scrooged (1988) - interesting mess Lethal Weapon (1987) - okay The Goonies (1985) - okay Ladyhawke (1985) - good The Toy (1982) - awful Inside Moves (1980) - okay Superman (1978) - almost great The Omen (1976) - good [plus 20+ years of tv movies, series] [u:seblymvh]Bay [/u:seblymvh] The Island (2005) - comes out next week Bad Boys II (2003) - awful Pearl Harbor (2001) - unspeakably awful Armageddon (1998) - okay The Rock (1996) - okay Bad Boys (1995) - mediocre [u:seblymvh]Schumacher[/u:seblymvh] The Phantom of the Opera (2004) - disaster Veronica Guerin (2003) - bad Phone Booth (2002) - bad Bad Company (2002) - bad Tigerland (2000) - bad Flawless (1999) - bad 8MM (1999) - bad Batman & Robin (1997) - catastrophic A Time to Kill (1996) - okay Batman Forever (1995) - contemptible The Client (1994) - okay Falling Down (1993) - interesting Dying Young (1991) - bad Flatliners (1990) - real bad Cousins (1989) - extremely bad The Lost Boys (1987) - surprisingly good St. Elmo's Fire (1985) - annoying, but ok D.C. Cab (1983) - bad The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981) - disastrous

Edgy DC Jul 20 2005 12:19 PM

Donner Radio Flyer (1992) - bad Just bad? This is one of Hollywood's legendary dogs. Ladyhawke (1985) - good Acceptably odd. Just looks cheap today, with one of those perfectly dated eighties fantasy synth scores. Superman (1978) - almost great Hmmm.... Actually don't respond. I'm in a lousy state today and my judgment is impaired.

Willets Point Jul 20 2005 01:06 PM

Edgy DC wrote: I'm in a lousy state today and my judgment is impaired. I thought you were in the District of Columbia. Or are you traveling? And which state is so lousy as to impair judgement? (Someday when I'm not safely behind a computer I'm going to get the beat down I deserve for my sarcasm).

Edgy DC Jul 20 2005 01:11 PM

St. Elmo's Fire (1985) - annoying, but ok Sheesh. Bad enough to redefine what bad is. Sheesh. I'd rather have my head dunked in the toilet after my bad sax solo.

Vic Sage Jul 20 2005 01:46 PM

Well, i did say it was "annoying". And i didn't say it was "good". But i have some affection for it, as it depicted that time after college with your friends that i was going thru at that moment. And i was desperately in love with Demi.

soupcan Jul 20 2005 02:54 PM

Vic Sage wrote: ...And i was desperately in love with Demi. Me too. Sigh...

Johnny Dickshot May 06 2006 05:09 PM

I mighta taken Ally Sheedy then just to be different.

Edgy DC May 06 2006 09:10 PM

Wow, ten months later a response. Demi's character was monstrous --- self-centered, self-destructive, chasing after sugar daddies, probably sporting venereal disease. Basically, it was hard to get into any of those women because they were into those men. Yuck, they were a gross diseased little clique of smug weenies.

Johnny Dickshot May 06 2006 09:41 PM

I was looking for some movies to rent.

Edgy DC May 06 2006 09:50 PM

Two things I rented recently with low expectations and was delighted in. Hitch: low expectations based on that genre. Wonderboys: low expectations based on Michael Douglas.

Johnny Dickshot May 06 2006 10:32 PM

Wonderboys is reveiwed highly in this room. Hitch was all right. I was looking for a list where Vic Sage gives me a decent but not overwhelming number of good movies to choose from. Went to metacritic instead and got NOBODY KNOWS -- Japan's feel-bad movie of the decade! (good flick anyway though)

Vic Sage May 11 2006 03:52 PM

i've got "good movie" lists all over this forum, ya yutz! by genre, by director, by star... i've even got a top 100 somewhere! don't go relying on strangers... it makes me feel betrayed, somehow.