Apr 13 2007 07:39 PM
Edited 4 time(s), most recently on Apr 13 2007 11:33 PM
Know thy floundering enemy.
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| Who: | Washington Nationals at Mets |
| When: | Tonight at 7:10 (remember when Friday games held off until 8:00 Tomorrow at 1:10 Sunday at 1:10 |
| Matchups: | Tonight: John Patterson (0-2, 9.35), vs. Mike Pelfrey (season debut) Tomorrow: Shawn Hill (0-2, 3.09) vs. Orlando Hernandez (1-0, 1.38) Sunday: Matt. Chico (0-1, 7.27) vs. J. Maine (1-0, 1.54) |
 John Patterson |
| "@#$%! We’ve got a lead!" — Ryan Church |
That’s cool, you might think, they were probably burning opponents in the minors. Nice guess, maybe, Hot Stuff. Unfortunately for that theory, Patterson, Hill, and Jerome Williams (who the Mets miss this series) went 0-1, 3-3, and 5-9 in various rehab and looking-to-establish-oneself assignments. The hope for National Nation lies in Bergmann (also missed), who went 8-2 at New Orleans last year, and Chico — the real experiment here, having totaled 12 wins against six losses pitching against high A and AA competiton. Who are these guys? Manny hopes you know by the All Star Break.
But, yeez, they seem as overmatched as Scott Holman and Roy Lee Jackson in 1979.
Recently: The Nats took the Braves last night, their second win (both in dramatic, late inning fashion), but it’s not hard to read between the lines when the newspaper has quotes like "@#$%! We’ve got a lead!" from centerfielder Ryan Church in the eighth inning. But it was their first lead
 RFK Be Forgot Stadium (Artist’s Rendering) |
Oh, yeah, they have six guys on the disabled list. Luis Ayala, the mountainous Ray King, snakebit Nick Johnson (you may remember the gruesome leg mangling he suffered against the Mets last September), the demonized Christian Guzman, the tool-laden Alex Escobar, and the fortunately named Nook Logan. There was a time they prayed for Christian Guzman to be disabled, but God said HA! and took Johnson also.
So what do they got?
They got Ryan Zimmerman. He’s on every bus, subway, and ticket stub. He hits, fields, smiles kisses babies, and you probably want him to date your daughter. In short, he’s everything David Wright is, without the lineup support. He’s even from Virginia.
Unfortunately, he ain’t grinding like the Wrightster, and has gotten off to a .220 start. That’s no way to live up to the media guide, son.
So you see, if it wasn’t for that monstrosity going up in Southwest (thanks to the miracle of eminent domain), National management would be ten minutes away from chasing down foul balls for re-use and returning Mettle the Mule to action.
Your lineup may look like this, but things are, shall we say, a little unsteady:
- Felipe Lopez, ss (was penciled at second at start of year)
- Ronnie Belliard, 2b (hot hand bumped from eighth)
- Ryan Zimmerman, 3b (.590 OPS)
- Austin Kearns, rf (Reds guys have always had deceptively bad percentage under high power totals)
- Dmitri Young, 1b
- Brian Schneider,c (good God! He’s hitting .103!)
- Ryan Church, cf (they seem to everything they can to marginalize this guy)
- Kory Casto, lf
  Who’s the goofier-lookin' shortstop named J. Wilson on a sorry team, the Nats’ Josh, or the Bucs’ Jack? |
Let’s just complete this mess:
Who’s hot?
- Orphan child Ryan Church is burning it up at .343 / .410 / .657 // 1.067. Last year they inexplicably sent him down and maybe they’ll do it again when the wounded return.
- Ronnie Belliard (.406 OBP)
- Shawn Hill (3.09 ERA in two starts and 11.2 innings)
- Jesus Colome and thin white duke Micah Bowie are emerging in the ever-expanding mopup relief role
Who’s fuckin’ not
- The starting pitching: ‘nuff said.
- Chad Cordero has a 6.75 ERA, but has saved the team’s only save opportunity.
- John Rauch is 6’ 11" and 260, so I’m only saying kind things about him. I hear his wife is nice.
- Schneider is a disaster.
- Seeing pinch-hitter Robert Fick in the on-deck circle hurts like a belly wound.
- Fourth outfielder Chris Schnelling has been asked to remove his profile from MySpace.
- Zimmerman is being considered for the position of Poet Laureate of Suck.
Failed prospect turned journeydude Escobar is actually collecting disability on the 15-day, and former St. Lucie Met Jesus Flores is warming up pitchers and 0-3 at the plate. Manny Acta is barely managing and Jerry Morales coaches any players who reach first. (And how outrageously appropriate to have a 1980 Met coaching? Jerry knows from teams in limbo.)
Mets who’ve been Nats: As if!
No, seriously, Endy Chavez makes every Nat fan weep for the crap season he gave them in their inaugural year. Orlando Hernandez had a half-brother who played here. Scott Schoeneweis, Aaron Sele — these guys have been everywhere, but not here. Moises Alou was an Expo once upon a time.
Two out of three ain’t bad, but anything short of a sweep should leave the Mets shaking their heads.