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Spammy Spam

Edgy DC May 02 2007 07:56 AM

A new variation on the Nigerian scap hit my inbox today. <blockquote>Hello, I am Major Ralph Harland, I am a British officer attached to UN peace Keeping force in Iraq, I am the commanding officer of the First Battalion of the Royal Irish Regiment, as you may know everyday, there are several cases of insurgent’s attacks and suicide bombs going on here. We managed to Move funds belonging to some demised persons who were attacked and killed through insurgent attacks. The total amount is US$9.5 Million dollars in cash. We want to move this money to you, so that you may keep our share for us until when we shall come over to meet you. We will take 60%, my partner and I. You take 40%. No strings attached, just help us move it out of Iraq, Iraq is a war zone. We plan on using Diplomatic courier and shipping the money out in two large metallic boxes, using diplomatic immunity. If you are interested I will send you the full details; my aim is to find a good partner that we can trust and assist us can you be trusted? When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail here ralpharland@yahoo.co.uk , or majorralpharland@aol.co.uk signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone/fax numbers for quick communication and also your contact details. This business is 100% risk free. Respectfully, Major Ralph Harland ralpharland@freenet.de</blockquote>OK, let's put aside that this Northern Irishman serving Her Majesty's forces in Iraq has a Danish e-mail address. Even if this is the most honest letter ever, how can robbing $9.5 million from innocent war dead be 100% risk free? People get hung for that sort of shit. You'd have Americans, Brits, Irish, Iraquis, and a nice slice of the Islamic World after you. Alberto Gonzalez would kill you personally just to make good with everybody else.

Johnny Dickshot May 02 2007 08:09 AM

I got mail from Harland yesterday too.

Benjamin Grimm May 02 2007 08:11 AM

I guess you guys are more trustworthy than I am. I haven't heard a peep from Major Ralph.

Johnny Dickshot May 02 2007 08:13 AM

Perhaps you are a man devoid of honor.

MFS62 May 02 2007 08:16 AM

="Johnny Dickshot":1fiemz58]Perhaps you are a man devoid of honor.[/quote:1fiemz58] No. He probably is just a man with a good spam filter. Later metirish May 02 2007 08:23 AM Interesting bit on the R Irish. [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Royal_Irish_Regiment_%2827th_%28Inniskilling%29_83rd_and_87th_and_Ulster_Defence_Regiment%29:sdb0b1fq]Royal Irish Regiment[/url:sdb0b1fq] Willets Point May 02 2007 11:55 AM Today is <a href="http://www.worldalmanac.com/blog/2007/05/and_i_forgot_to_get_a_present.html">Spam's birthday</a>. cooby May 06 2007 04:42 PM Why is Major Harland (isn't that the KFC guy?) keeping demised persons money for himself? Nymr83 May 06 2007 05:30 PM Colonel Sanders. cooby May 06 2007 05:57 PM Yeah, that's it! But Harland was his first name. (how could I forget Colonel Sanders last name but remember his first) Willets Point May 07 2007 01:16 PM ]Are you tired of searching dating sites and finding nothing but fake bios for women who simply don't exist? Then stop searching and come to the one place where every bio and every woman is real. We review every lady who asks to be listed on our site to ensure that you only get the real ladies who want to fill that void in your life. We guarantee that they are genuine. Why is it that despite the "Guarantee" I don't believe this site would lead anyone to women who really exist? Benjamin Grimm May 07 2007 01:18 PM I got an e-mail from "Jesus Christ" the other day. What's he up to these days? Selling discount Viagra, of course! Willets Point May 07 2007 01:20 PM Doesn't bode well for the product if you only rise after three days. Benjamin Grimm May 07 2007 01:23 PM Oooooohhhhhhh SNAP! At least you get to "come again." Willets Point May 08 2007 09:08 AM Here's an interesting spam: "It is necessary to all to give zolpidem!" Zolpidem is apparently a medication used to treat insomnia. I might have to contact this guy after being up to 4 am last night/this morning. Giant Squidlike Creature Jun 07 2007 10:48 AM Bumpspam. Willets Point Jun 27 2007 03:50 PM <a href="http://www.americanscientist.org/template/AssetDetail/assetid/55592?&print=yes"> How Many Ways Can You Spell V1@gra?</a> Benjamin Grimm Jul 24 2007 09:49 AM I've received an ePostCard from a Family Member! (I wonder why "Family Member" didn't identify himself/herself when sending the ePostCard? I hate to be a cynic, but is it possible that this is spam, and the Family Member didn't use a name because they can't be sure whether or not I really have an Uncle Billy or an Aunt Hazel?) metsmarathon Aug 15 2007 11:31 AM i really should just become a regular contributor to this thread, just based on what spam i get sent to me by my loving father. today's email: ="marathondad fw: marathondadfriend":27z648ni]>MARK YOUR CALENDAR > > > >*Two moons on 27 August* > >*27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for...* > >Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. > >It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will >cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth. Be >sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth >has 2 moons. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. > >Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again. > [/quote:27z648ni] the response i'm half tempted to send to him, but instead forwarded to my wifey: ="metsmarathon":27z648ni] Are you fucking kidding me? Mars is 3200 miles in diameter. The moon is 2160 miles in diameter. For them to appear the same size, mars would have to be approximately 1.5 times farther from the earth than the moon. The moon is about 240,000 miles from the earth. Mars would have to be about 360,000 miles from the earth to appear to be the same size as the moon, or 100 times closer than its 34,000,000 mile approach. For mars to appear to be the same brightness as the moon, and to have the same size as the moon, it would have to have to be at least twice as reflective as the moon. It is not. Also, you'd think that if mars ever did appear to be the same fucking size of the moon about every 280 years, we'd've fucking heard about it before, if only in passing. Sheesh... also, what, is it like a step function? One day, dot in the sky. Then, all of a sudden, its august 27th and HOLY FUCKING SHIT THERE's TWO FUCKING MOONS! WTF!!! AND ONE OF 'EM IS FREAKING RED! RED!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!! And then the next day, its back to just being a dot? Really??? Really??? [/quote:27z648ni] Edgy DC Aug 15 2007 11:39 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Aug 15 2007 12:45 PM Considering the havoc of Mars coming within 360,000 miles would likely reak on our gravitational field, I'd guess that "We're all gonna die!" wouldn't be the dumbest reaction. soupcan Aug 15 2007 12:02 PM I got the same email as mm did from a friend today. I'm cuttin' and pastin' his reply... metsmarathon Aug 15 2007 12:41 PM snopes.com doesn't have nearly as much fun with this as i did... http://www.snopes.com/science/mars.asp Benjamin Grimm Aug 16 2007 11:08 AM I get this one a lot: "Oprah switches to Green Tea" Anyone else ever get this one? Or does somebody think I'll closely monitoring Oprah? Willets Point Aug 21 2007 06:55 AM Here's a new one, the faux naive spammer who asks for help and sympathy; "Hi, I’m novice here. Your forum is full of usefull information. But I can’t undestand, what is wrong with my messages - when previewing it I see some URLs that leeds to adult pages. Yes, sites seem to be very intersing, but I’ll better use google to find such a sites. Could you please advice me how to recover the problem. Maybe it’s a virus? Or maybe it’s a feature of your forums? Please, do not delete my message. Maybe you advice me something and it will help others if they have the same trouble." This is followed by about a thousand hardcore porn links. I deleted it. Willets Point Aug 23 2007 12:33 PM Since I tend to get a dozen or more spam regarding fictional loans and mortgages a week, it's a bit odd when I get an email from my actual bank regarding an actual loan. cooby Dec 09 2007 02:01 PM Got this text message during the night: Hey, it's Vito (momentary excitement on cooby's part). Sour as a green apple you cannot sit this trade out check UTEI and it will surprise you. I wonder what he's trading TheOldMole Dec 09 2007 02:15 PM Dan Haren. Benjamin Grimm Dec 31 2007 07:04 AM This morning when I checked my e-mail, I found that, overnight, I had received 22 different "enhancement" spams with the following subjects: PhallusFull-sizeCesar, HelenePenisWalloping, PhallusMonumentalAnnie, LargeDickHorace, GrandFuckstickCathleen, GiantPenisRosanne, MoniqueCapaciousBodypart, HugePhallusOrville, LillianSpaciousPenis, GailPenisLarge, RicoOversizePhallus, Wide-rangingBodypartPat, BodypartObviousGretchen, HollisFuckstickObvious, WestonFuckstickOversize, TyroneOutsizeFuckstick, TitanicBodypartCasey, PuffyPhallusShawn, MassiveShlongLenny, EdgardoHumongousCock, DickPlumpingEliseo, and DeanErectileorganCosmic. They sound like a strange group of people, especially Helene, Annie, Lillian and a few others. It's kind of like Mad Libs; they combine a name, a synonym for large, and one for the male organ, and come up with tons of unique combinations. I've been getting these kinds of e-mails for a few weeks now, but the onslaught seems to be kicking into high gear. Edgy DC Dec 31 2007 07:11 AM In 2008, your admins will include EdgardoHumongousCock and TitanicBodypartCasey. Benjamin Grimm Jan 02 2008 11:42 AM Every day, and several times a day, I win $500 worth of free groceries and a $250 Starbucks gift card. Willets Point Jan 02 2008 12:44 PM I'm changing my handle to MoniqueCapaciousBodypart. Benjamin Grimm Jan 05 2008 10:32 AM I just got an e-mail from Eva Longoria, telling me that I'm not "big" enough. How mortifying! cooby Jan 05 2008 10:52 AM Nevertheless, if Eva Longoria has seen you naked, that's worth bragging about to your friends. Benjamin Grimm Jan 16 2008 02:27 PM "Your new schlong will win more prizes!" Wow! Prizes? I wasn't aware of anything like that! I wonder what the trophies look like? AG/DC Jan 16 2008 02:40 PM I wasn't aware your old one had won any. Benjamin Grimm Jan 16 2008 02:53 PM You haven't been reading the Member Promotion Forum carefully enough. Willets Point Jan 16 2008 03:21 PM That's a good place to promote your member. cooby Jan 16 2008 07:18 PM I think this thread has just won a blue ribbon Willets Point Jan 31 2008 01:49 PM Evenings alone are a thing of the past with your brand new huge d1ck Will my juiced-up d1ck be a good conversationalist? Does it cook? Will I find myself not alone but still lonely? The mind boggles. Benjamin Grimm Feb 15 2008 07:05 AM I just found out that I can make $30,000 per month as an at-home typist! When my kids are old enough for college, I'm going to encourage them to major in at-home typing! Rockin' Doc Feb 15 2008 09:01 AM Unfortunately, you'll spend all your time typing inane Viagara solicitations. Willets Point Feb 15 2008 09:43 AM Apparently I'm already in the spam business as I've been receiving a number of emails lately from my own email address offering a 70% discount on Viagra for <i>this month only!</i> Benjamin Grimm Feb 15 2008 11:35 AM Lately I'm getting a lot of e-mails about the "Dinners of Death!" Harmful parasites that live and breed in my stomach! I liked it better when I was just getting notified that Oprah had switched to green tea. Benjamin Grimm Feb 23 2008 03:37 PM [u:2v2124up]Don't just make her moan, make her moan so load that she wakes the neighbours up.[/u:2v2124up] cooby Feb 23 2008 08:54 PM ="Willets Point":y55xamcu]Apparently I'm already in the spam business as I've been receiving a number of emails lately from my own email address offering a 70% discount on Viagra for <i>this month only!</i>[/quote:y55xamcu] I got one offering myself cheaper drugs the other day. Willets Point Feb 23 2008 09:00 PM ="cooby":1vqe15wf] ="Willets Point":1vqe15wf]Apparently I'm already in the spam business as I've been receiving a number of emails lately from my own email address offering a 70% discount on Viagra for <i>this month only!</i>[/quote:1vqe15wf] I got one offering myself cheaper drugs the other day.[/quote:1vqe15wf] I bet you cut yourself the best deals. cooby Feb 23 2008 09:01 PM Not really, I don't accept my insurance. Kong76 Feb 24 2008 06:02 AM The buggers broke a forum record this morning and registered 48 names in the last half-day or so. AG/DC Feb 25 2008 11:23 AM Seymour Conley writes: i love and to give u best ORGASM ever. Thanks, Seymour. Right back atcha. Willets Point Feb 25 2008 11:43 AM Strangely contradictory: "Imagine being able to satisfy women until all they want to do is have sex with yoU" I mean if they're satisfied then they won't need to have sex anymore. Willets Point Feb 26 2008 11:56 AM "You have the winning ticket to a larger manhood - in just a few short weeks." O boy o boy! Benjamin Grimm Mar 17 2008 08:36 AM I've been getting a bunch of spams in Italian lately, and I enjoy brushing up on my language skills by translating the subject titles. (I don't open the mails themselves, but I guess that's always an option if I really want to stretch myself.) I got this one just now: Avere il sesso come un campione del mondo? It means, "To have sex like a champion of the world?" MFS62 Mar 17 2008 10:18 AM But don't be fooled by the name of: www.bimbo.com Later Benjamin Grimm Apr 30 2008 07:24 AM The Iowa Department of Revenue is looking to sell me some sexual stimulants. Revenue is revenue, I guess. If it relieves the burden on Iowa taxpayers, then I guess this is a good thing. cooby Apr 30 2008 06:17 PM It's probably corn oil, with a pamphlet of down home sex tips. Willets Point May 03 2008 12:17 PM <a href="http://technology.newscientist.com/article/dn13777-happy-spamiversary-spam-reaches-30.html">Happy spamiversary</a>. AG/DC May 12 2008 08:18 AM <p align="center">What They Don't Want You to Know About Your Penis! Click here.</p>What is it I don't know? Who are they that know what I don't? Must click link! Benjamin Grimm May 20 2008 07:58 AM Girl pooping in a hot tub? Really? Is that really the kind of stuff they think I want to see? Benjamin Grimm Sep 15 2008 11:58 AM I just got a hot tip on a stock that will triple in value every month for the next six months! I just did some math: If I put down $2,000, by the middle of March I'll have $1,458,000! Woo hoo! It looks like I might be able to afford to go to Citi Field a few times next year! I'm in the money! I'm in the money! I've got a lot of what it takes to get along! cooby Sep 15 2008 07:00 PM ="Benjamin Grimm"]Girl pooping in a hot tub? Really? Is that really the kind of stuff they think I want to see? EW!!!! Kong76 Nov 27 2008 10:50 AM This one made me laugh ... ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION INCONJUNCTION WITH UNITED NATIONS. REGIONAL OFFICE; #189 BISHOP JOHNSON DANIEL AVENUE VICTORIA ISLAND, LAGOS- NIGERIA . Attn: Scammed Victim, This notice is to keep you informed that Mr. President/commander in-chief of armed forces federal republic of Nigeria,during the last federal executive council meeting inaugurated both bodies ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION (EFCC) in collaboration with the UNITED NATIONS (UN). I was mandated by both bodies to apologize to all those involved in the scam by Nigerians,and those listed for this exercise and of which you are among the list of scammed victims. Note that money valued USD175, 000.00 has been approved in your favor as compensation following directives of Mr. President and therefore you are advised to forward the following information’s below to enable the apex bank process your fund for payment to you without any form of interference or delay. Full Names: Your Complete Home Address: Your Tel/Mobile Numbers: We will appreciate your immediate response; hence we have 7 working days to conclude with this exercise. Best Regards, Mr. Mohammed Jubril Benjamin Grimm Dec 10 2008 01:53 PM I am SO in there! ="Irinka":3j8pyfme]I am interested and I want to talk with you. I am educated girl, a harmonious body; mine tall is 5 ' 6 ', My weight is 119 pounds, I have a blonde hair. I cheerful, with good sense of humor. But it is not so convenient to me to write to you on this email. [/quote:3j8pyfme] Edgy DC Dec 10 2008 02:00 PM Motherfu... That's my WIFE! Benjamin Grimm Dec 10 2008 02:02 PM She sounds nice. Benjamin Grimm May 07 2009 09:51 AM "Your bedroom doesn't smell like intimacy anymore?"