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Highly Inappropriate Poll

May I have this dance with ... (from left)

Curly	4 votes
Blondy	10 votes
Squinty	3 votes
Pearly	4 votes
Blacky	3 votes

Johnny Dickshot May 29 2007 02:27 PM

You're a single guest at this wedding of a Mets prospect. Which of the Bridemaids are you targeting first?

Willets Point May 29 2007 02:28 PM

What about the Winona Ryder lookalike on the right?

Willets Point May 29 2007 02:29 PM

Damn. You edited to make me look stupid.

metirish May 29 2007 02:36 PM

Second from left....she's quality.

Nymr83 May 29 2007 02:45 PM

far right. you old guys don't know what you're looking at.

A Boy Named Seo May 29 2007 02:58 PM

I'm in love with Squinty. Tall, beautiful smile (genuine smile, only one of the bunch) and as Maid of Honor, she's clearly full of character and a reliable friend. Plus all the peeps, bride included, are leaning towards her. She's the heavy hitter in this photo, no doubt.

DocTee May 29 2007 03:00 PM

Blondy or Curlie, Curly or Blondie...can't lose with them two.

Benjamin Grimm May 29 2007 03:00 PM

I think Blondy is clearly the cream of the crop. Curly does deserve some votes, though. She's more deserving than Squinty, Pearly, or Blacky.

Edgy DC May 29 2007 03:02 PM

Boy Named Seo is wise.

A Boy Named Seo May 29 2007 03:10 PM

Thank you, sir. It sounds like you agree. So back off my woman. That's definitely not Bed-ridden Barbie. Who's the prospect?

soupcan May 29 2007 03:18 PM Re: Highly Inappropriate Poll

Oh please. Curly has a bad dye job, check out the dark roots and she could have a lazy eye. Blondie's a bitch. Makes sure she's constantly smiling because someone once told her she has a cute dimple. They were wrong. Squinty is squinting because she took off her bookworm glasses for the photo. This is the best she's ever looked and it's only until the photog is done. Pearly? Are you kidding me? She's got 'haggard mom with young kids' written all over her. Check out the dark circles under her eyes. I'll pass thanks. Blacky's a Winona Ryder look-alike? Yeah, maybe Winona Ryder after a boating accident.

Benjamin Grimm May 29 2007 03:26 PM

Yeah, she's more Rikki Lake than Winona Ryder. And Squinty, I'm sorry to say, is Big Ethel. Anyone who goes after her will have to deal with Jughead.

cooby May 29 2007 03:54 PM

metirish wrote: Second from left....she's quality. Tha'ts who I'd go for too. Is she blondie?

cooby May 29 2007 03:56 PM

Oh you know what? The one in white may be the bride, and off limits...

HahnSolo May 29 2007 04:02 PM

Second from left for me. Although if I were still single I would not be too choosey. Any of this crew would make the cut.

Kid Carsey May 29 2007 04:36 PM

[u:4dc75a48c0]Curly[/u:4dc75a48c0] - Got scary eyes, doesn't look happy [u:4dc75a48c0]Blondy[/u:4dc75a48c0] - I guess the prettiest, I never got the prettiest, why try now? [u:4dc75a48c0]Squinty[/u:4dc75a48c0] - Too happy, but very cute [u:4dc75a48c0]Pearly[/u:4dc75a48c0] - My choice, no one here wants her and I met her father at the raw bar and he's fucking loaded (money wise and bourbon wise) [u:4dc75a48c0]Blacky[/u:4dc75a48c0] - did a couple of shots with her before making move on Pearly, and I got her phone number and we're gonna be drinking-soul-mate buddies for many years

Rockin' Doc May 29 2007 05:01 PM

KC is a man after my own heart, but I want to hang out with Soupcan. Anyone that damn picky leaves a lot more opportunity for his buddies. Blondie would be my first choice. If your going to get shot down in flames you might as well take your shot with the prettiest woman in the room.

seawolf17 May 29 2007 05:03 PM

Blondie would be my first choice too, but for the same reason Kase mentioned, I'm not going there. Have to go with Pearly. edit: Wow, tough to be Curly.

Edgy DC May 29 2007 05:07 PM

The prospect is Mike Nickeas and that's his bride. How the fuck did this get more votes than the last IGT got posts?

Willets Point May 29 2007 05:17 PM

Edgy DC wrote: The prospect is Mike Nickeas and that's his bride. How the fuck did this get more votes than the last IGT got posts? 600% more hot women in this thread.

Kid Carsey May 29 2007 05:38 PM

EDC: >>>How the fuck did this get more votes than the last IGT got posts?<<< Because deep down we all wear flea collars and eat Milk Bone biscuits?

seawolf17 May 29 2007 05:39 PM

Someone e-mail Mike Nickeas and ask him if he wants to answer questions on the site.

Iubitul May 29 2007 07:15 PM

I'm with Soupy. no thanks.

MFS62 May 29 2007 07:22 PM

Curly could do anything she wants to with me. And I'd give her as much time as she wants to do it, too. Later

Nymr83 May 29 2007 08:37 PM

seawolf17 wrote: Someone e-mail Mike Nickeas and ask him if he wants to answer questions on the site. but then we'd have to delete the the thread first, and i havent saved the picture yet...

Frayed Knot May 29 2007 09:12 PM

How 'bout I just dive on the pile

Johnny Dickshot May 29 2007 09:18 PM

I want to like Curly and might very well end up with her, but she scares me for now: She's kinda artificial. Blondie's looking pretty sweet but you know she'll be the top target of all of the groom's teammates, and she'll invariably choose the dumbest and jockiest of them all. Seo's argument has me considering Squinty, even if I disagree with the remark about the naturalness of her smile, but my strategy there is going to be strictly indirect -- shooting her funny looks behind Seo's back while I take a more direct approach with Pearly. She's got the best curves of any of them. Blacky is the groom's sister, obviously, and so doesn't get close to the high-school clique.

martin May 29 2007 11:19 PM

i will take curly, she likes to ride bikes on the weekends. blacky likes me, but we will soon learn we have nothing in common. i like pearly, but i'm her blacky. curly and i will work out just fine.

Farmer Ted May 30 2007 06:40 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on May 30 2007 10:10 AM

Nice to segue this from the Kiger thread. Second from left is my choice. The one on the far right has chicken cutlets for triceps and sausage fingers.

Edgy DC May 30 2007 07:14 AM

The HoJo poll needs (deserves!) this sort of action. Which HoJo song would you dance to with your bridesmaid of choice?

Centerfield May 30 2007 08:44 AM

Blondie. Not even close. She's the lead runner on a bunt play...always look to her first to see if you have a shot. If it looks like a lost cause, all the other girls are the sure out at first.

Centerfield May 30 2007 08:44 AM

(avi)

HahnSolo May 30 2007 08:47 AM

If this were a direct to video erotic thriller, then Blackie would be the scantily-clad psycho who slips into the groom's bed later that night while she has the bride tied up in the trunk of her car. Not that I watch erotic thrillers or anything.

Edgy DC May 30 2007 09:26 AM Edited 3 time(s), most recently on Jul 16 2007 10:05 PM

I definitely picked up on emotional issues there. Curly will make you feel like a thousand bucks when she laughs at your first couple of jokes, and then make you feel like a fool when she laughs all the harder at her girlfriends' highly unfunny (and kinda stupid) contributions to what you thought was an engaging conversation. You wasted your rap on her. Blondy is looking over your shoulder while you're talking to her, shallow as a petrie dish, always looking to trade up, the constant smile hiding an inner misery that she'll keep at bay with thousand-dollar-a-week shopping habit at the expense of the poor fool she traded up to. A look into the hardness of Pearly's eyes and you know you've run into a first-rate ball-buster, and the first married of the bunch. There's Pearly's husband over there at the bar, his stll-athletic upper torso betrayed by the late-blossoming beer-belly he'll privately confess that he calls Pearly's Paunch. He'll tell you, "Squinty's the real catch of the bunch, and, you know, Pearly's sister has a heart of gold, and that's why she hates her; and late-night internet porn is also preferabl... ...and, you know, I think I've had enough." Fly to Squinty.

Vic Sage May 30 2007 10:18 AM

GIRLS: (shouting, as Bride walk into the bar) "Surprise!" BRIDE: Oh, you guys!! BLACKIE: I hope this is ok, sis. BRIDE: Oh, its wonderful! You brought my sorority sisters in from the coast... you're too much, sis. (BLACKIE beams with relief ...and resentment) BLONDIE, SQUINTY, PEARLY: Delta Nu! Delta Nu! Delta Nu! (they cheer, as Curly stands off to the side, forcing a smile) BRIDE: Oh, cut it out you guys! Oh, look, Curly... you're here, too! CURLY: Of course, sweetie. BRIDE: Girls, this is Curly... we grew up together as BFFs! Oh, how are you, honey? We haven't talked in ages! CURLY: Well, Ted and I are... PEARLY: Hey, girls, check THIS out. (SHE holds her hand aloft, letting her wrist bend downwards, letting the light of the disco ball reflect off the facets of an enormous diamond. Then, to BRIDE) See? You're not the only bride-to-be. BRIDE: Pearly, that's gorgeous. When are you... SQUINTY: Pearly, let me take a closer look... BLONDIE: Lets get another round of jello shots! SQUINTY: (a whispered aside to BRIDE) Pearly's ring isn't nearly as classy as yours, B. (she tries to wink, but her eyes get stuck closed. BRIDE gives her a quick peck on the cheek, then guides her over to BLONDIE at the bar, passing out the Jell-o shots) GIRLS: (holding their shots aloft, they toast) To our sis... you bagged a jock, girlfriend! Delta Nu rocks! (they down their shots. BRIDE goes over to BLACKIE and CURLY, standing off to the side) BRIDE: You guys ok? BLACKIE: oh, sure, B. We're fine. We were just talking about Curly's husb... BLONDIE: Hey, B, I hear your song! (BRIDE listens, like the dog at the Victrola, and sure enough, Madonna's "Material Girl" can be heard faintly, its threads drifting over from the juke box in the back by the pool table). PEARLY: (whispering, conspiratorially, to BRIDE) So, tell me, how did you get Nicky to finally pop the question? BLONDIE: (with her happy, naive, school girl smile still affixed in her round face) well, i took your advice and told him that, if he married me, i'd finally let him fuck me in the ass. That pretty much sealed the deal. Now, if you'll excuse me.... SQUINTY: (whispering to PEARLY) You know, your ring is much more beautiful than B's. PEARLY: Shut up, Squints.(Meanwhile, BLONDIE, having had her 14th jello shot, is now dancing on the bar. PEARLY yells at her.) Get down from there, you slut! CURLY: (to BLACKIE, holding her hands gently) How have YOU been holding up with all this? BLACKIE: I wake up and just keep walking past the open windows. SQUINTY: (pulls out a camera, and hands it to a statue in the corner) Okay, girls, lets get together over there... now everybody say LIMBURGER! (BLONDIE throws up on PEARLY. Startled, PEARLY lunges back, her arms swinging upwards. Her ring flies up and over the crowd, then hits the dance floor and shatters, as glass will often do.... and so it goes.) [

Edgy DC May 30 2007 10:24 AM

Shit. I always knew we'd be in trouble once Vic started aggressively tackling formatting. Good work. Really good work.

Willets Point May 30 2007 10:29 AM

You know, up until now I thought Rockin' Doc started this thread. By the way, there are pictures of the bachelorette party Vic described on the web.

Kid Carsey May 30 2007 10:35 AM

VS: >>>BRIDE listens, like the dog at the Victrola<<< Priceless.

Rockin' Doc May 30 2007 11:12 AM

Willets - "You know, up until now I thought Rockin' Doc started this thread." I'm not that clever.

Centerfield May 30 2007 01:28 PM

You forgot the part where the sisters come over to your table and insist you take a shot off the bride's belly and take a provocative picture with her.

Farmer Ted Jul 13 2007 09:32 AM

Suddenly this poll means nothing when Mark Kotsay's wife, Jamie, walks into the room with some of her friends. http://umpbump.com/press/hbw-in-search-of-the-elusive-jamie-kotsay/

Johnny Dickshot Jul 13 2007 09:43 AM

Play ball!

DocTee Jul 13 2007 10:12 AM

Many of those pics were from last year's Mug Root Beer Float day at the Oakland Coliseum, where players wives make the concoctions for fans with all proceeds going to cancer research. I was there two years back (don't recall seeing Jamie there) -- now, maybe I'll go again this year (And I DESPISE root beer)

DocTee Jul 13 2007 10:14 AM

More Athletic hottness: http://www.athleticsnation.com/story/2006/6/25/143535/266

Farmer Ted Jul 13 2007 11:20 AM

Billy Beane has an eye for talent.

sharpie Jul 13 2007 11:22 AM

The Giants' wives look far less hot. No wonder Brian Sabean is on the hot seat.

DocTee Jul 13 2007 11:52 AM

Dear Omar; Please trade for Mark Kotsay. If possible, make it a multi-player transaction. Thanks, CPF

Johnny Dickshot Jul 13 2007 11:53 AM

We're not selling jeans here. Oh, wait. We are.

Elster88 Jul 16 2007 09:50 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Jul 16 2007 09:53 PM

nevermind

Elster88 Jul 16 2007 09:52 PM

Edgy DC wrote: Blondy is looking over your shoulder while you're talking to her, shallow as a petrie dish, always looking to trade up, the constant smile hiding an inner misery that she'll keep at bay with thousand-dollar-a-week shopping habit at the expense of the poor fool she traded up to. Beat her to it.