Sep 07 2007 10:12 AM
I love reading Mushnick. Entertaining, observant and I usually agree with him.
Today though I don't. I just think Keith is funny.
WE KNOW: YOU'RE KEITH HERNANDEZ
September 7, 2007 -- "GILLIGAN'S Is land" had Thurston Howell III; Mets' telecasts have Keith Hernandez, the one and only.
We warned you, even before Hernandez began as an SNY/Mets regular, that he'd be a load. That's because his strengths and weaknesses are roughly the same. His arrogance, condescending manner, impatience, sarcasm, naughtiness, knowledge, and brutal candor would make him both cherished and scorned.
But he must lose, or at least curtail, one habit, the one where he makes it seem that he considers his gig (calling games, traveling to and from them, and anything else that comes with the job) drudgery, as if such backbreaking work is beneath him. 
OFF BASE: Keith Hernandez's shtick — that
working Mets games is such hard work — was
on display this week during the Mets' 10-day
road trip.
If he's only half-kidding, that leaves half-serious.
Wednesday, late in the Mets-Reds game, Hernandez went on a patrician trip that would have left divas feeling neglected and Louis Vuitton holding the bag. When Gary Cohen said that after the game the Mets have one scheduled road trip left, Hernandez made it sound as if it were his prison release date. "That's outstanding!" he said.
Just before that, Hernandez complained he "couldn't get anything to eat" in Cincinnati on Labor Day because, "The Morton's steakhouse was closed." How terribly sad.
But kinda funny, too. How many public figures, on a televised baseball game no less, would say such a thing? For those scoring at home, dinner for two at a Morton's, if you're a moderate eater and drinker, will run you about $200.
Also, after Cohen said boothmate Ron Darling would be appearing at an SNY promotion in New York the next day, Hernandez said there was no way he'd spend an off day doing any such thing.
Nope, Hernandez later said, he'd be landing at 7:40 at LaGuardia, where, "I've got the car waiting; it's already ordered." The next day, he continued, would begin with him and his wife breakfasting "at the Java Nation in Sag Harbor, then we'll come back and just laze around the pool."
Geez, Keith, why not just throw the cabana boy a few bucks and have him laze around the pool for you?
Cohen gave Hernandez's itinerary a moment's thought, then said, "Can I tell you something? Our lives couldn't be any more different."
Again, Hernandez sounded too serious to be completely kidding. Regardless, that get-me-out-of-here stuff was better left to Phil Rizzuto, who made it a charming (and active) element of his on-air persona. And he didn't even pretend he didn't want to be there until he was on the job for 20 years.
On the other hand, had Hernandez's butler only phoned ahead to let Morton's know he'd be in town . . .