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Perspective

soupcan Sep 28 2007 12:14 PM

I went to a funeral this morning. Family in my town that has kids the same age as ours. Met them a few years ago when the boys were in the same class, on the same teams, etc. The mom was a very nice lady. From North Carolina originally. Met her husband after college when both were ski-bumming for a year in Vail. The dad grew up in Westport and was an all-state athlete in baseball, hockey and golf. He was a mountain climber and supposedly an excellent downhill skiier as well. For a time he was a pretty big deal at IBM. After we got to know them, we got to know a little more about them. The father was a raging alcoholic. Very bad. Got arrested for different things (all alcohol-related) did some jail time and eventually just became a homeless vagrant. His wife finally had enough and while she still loved him and knew what it would do to their 4 young children (the oldest of which is 11), she felt she had no choice but to divorce him, which she did. She tried to stay in Westport but found it too painful so she packed up the kids and moved home to North Carolina to be closer to her family and take advantage of that kind of support system. That was about two years ago. This week we were informed that the husband died at the age of 46. Found on the street somewhere, it took the police a few days to identify the body so they didn't even know what day he died. They're going to just put 'September 2007' on the headstone. His father spoke at the funeral. He mentioned all of his sons athletic achievements and how at one point in his life the world was simply laid open for his son to go and conquer. 'But', he said 'he contracted a disease much like cancer and ALS and diabetes. A disease for which there is no cure, Alcoholism.' So before I went to the church this morning I was lamenting other things in my life. This experience just reminded me about the things that are genuinely sad in life and those other things don't seem too important anymore.

Benjamin Grimm Sep 28 2007 12:23 PM

Very true. The Mets collapse is a disaster only in terms of baseball. We're fortunate that we have the luxury to be able to get ourselves emotionally wrapped up in the athletic fortunes of 25 strangers. Others, who are facing real problems, don't have that luxury.

Iubitul Sep 28 2007 12:35 PM

Well said, soup. One of my very best friends in the world is dealing her brother's divorce (his wife just took the kids and moved out - it devastated him), and her own possible divorce. The Mets problems seem very very small.

Kid Carsey Sep 28 2007 12:45 PM

As I've said before, I'm fortunate to still be close to a number of the kids I grew up with. We've lost a friend to drugs and booze. We don't know if he's dead or alive. He's been in and out of jail, homeless, and there's more than one rumor that he was sucking ^&%$ and taking it up the ass just to get high. His wife is still around but she's a mental patient. Their two young adult kids are on the same path that the parents followed. No one wants anything to do with them after being disappointed by them two dozen times. I realize this ain't the same perspective, but I have no patience for people who don't take help when it's offered and continue decade after decade down a path of self destruction. I dunno, maybe the ups and downs of a baseball team help me not think about the things that are really sad. My sadnesss over the Mets if it comes to that will last a lot shorter period than the sadness of losing a friend.

Rockin' Doc Sep 28 2007 02:15 PM

Sports are just a diversion from the day to day trials of life. We are fortunate when the outcome of a game or the fortunes of a team seem important enough to allow us to escape, even temporarily, the harsh realities of this sometimes cruel world.

Kid Carsey Sep 28 2007 02:38 PM

Jeez, I don't mean to sound like a cold hearted prick but that story just hits home. I understand the underlying meaning of perspective (my wife is a can- cer survivor, a good friend had a kidney transplant, etc.) but these people who shit their lives away sets me off sometimes. A lot of people on this forum drink. Some of us perhaps too much. But we get our asses out of bed in the morning and go to work and make the housing pay- ments and help provide for families and take responsibility for our lives. My junkie, drunk, male whoring, homeless friend chose his own path and that's my per- spective on that and it really doesn't make me sad anymore.

soupcan Sep 28 2007 03:09 PM

I agree with you Kase. I knew this guy and it made me angry that he was pissing away his life. Forget the fact that he had a wife and 4 really great kids that he was killing. My post was more about her and the kids. Sure alcoholism is a disease but I think its the people who care about the alcoholic that always wind up suffering the most. I've got a drug-addicted brother that couldn't give a shit about me and my sister or our parents, but that doesn't stop each one of us from wondering where he is every night and if he's okay.

Kid Carsey Sep 28 2007 03:21 PM

Thanks, I was afraid that I was being a dick by spouting off again.

Rockin' Doc Sep 28 2007 03:31 PM

I understand your point. We are all faced with decisions regarding how we are going to live our life. Unfortunately, some people repeatedly make bad decisions to the detriment of themselves and those that truly care about them. It's sadly tragic when a person throws their life away, but it is hard to help someone that won't try to help themself.

metirish Sep 28 2007 04:07 PM

Thanks for the story soupcan.