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Burial, cremation, donation, other ??

Frayed Knot Jan 14 2008 08:28 AM

Discussion about the 'dead thread' got me thinking about this happy subject on a Monday morning; - do you have any plans, preferences, or strong thoughts about what you want done with your remains? Have you already made arrangements? - into fancy gravesites and tombstones, or find them a waste of good money and real estate? Are there graves of family/friends you regularly (or even occasionally) visit? - does your family have any 'traditions' you want to/feel obligated to continue, or is it pretty much everyone on their own?

sharpie Jan 14 2008 08:34 AM

Answers: no, no and no.

soupcan Jan 14 2008 08:40 AM

We're Jewish and my wife always must do whatever the 'proper' thing is. Which, in this case, means being buried in a Jewish cemetary (so tattoos are taboo) with a modest headstone. So if the missus outlives me, that's where you'll find me. Now if I survive my wife and my kids respect my wishes I'll be cremated. If I had my druthers though, I'd just as soon have my body put in a garbage bag out on the sidewalk.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Jan 14 2008 08:46 AM

soupcan wrote: If I had my druthers though, I'd just as soon have my body put in a garbage bag out on the sidewalk. That could be arranged.

Benjamin Grimm Jan 14 2008 09:03 AM

I've already told my wife that I don't care what's done with me. My dead body will just be an empty shell, and she can dispose of it as she wishes. I don't want a lot of money being spent on fancy coffins or anything like that. I don't need a plot and I don't need a satin-lined box.

John Cougar Lunchbucket Jan 14 2008 09:06 AM

My Dad was telling me recently he wanted his ashes scattered at Jones Beach. I told Wifey this and she suggested I look into getting a permit for doing that. WTF?

Frayed Knot Jan 14 2008 09:24 AM

]If I had my druthers though, I'd just as soon have my body put in a garbage bag out on the sidewalk. ]My dead body will just be an empty shell, and she can dispose of it as she wishes. I don't want a lot of money being spent on fancy coffins or anything like that. I don't need a plot and I don't need a satin-lined box. Those attitudes are pretty much where I'm at too, and I'm kind of wondering whether this idea is becoming more common. I know in at least parts of Europe (where land is much more scarce) a public burial plot is only a short-term thing. 20 years or so after burial they'll plow that ground under and use it for the next round of corpses (relatives get to keep the headstone if they wish). In my faimly, Mom's side has gone the cemetary route. When her father died he was buried in a plot here on L.I. although niether my mother not her mother ever went to see it. By the time mom's mother died she was living in suburban D.C. where various parts of the family had relocated. So they found a plot down there and not only buried her there but dug up Grandpa and moved him there too. A year later or so his sister joined them (although there was some question about how the sisters-in-law would get along for eternity). Not sure if/how often the local relations down there go to the plots. Dad's side, on the other hand, - both his parents and his only sibling - have taken the donation to science and/or cremation route, and I believe those are his plans as well. "Take my ashes and throw them into the waters off Jones Beach for all I care" His grandfather was the last one I know of on that side that has a burial plot but, as far as I know, not one of his relatives ever went to see it now 40 years after the fact. The only relative whose grave I might go to see is that of my uncle who, as a career naval officer, merited burial at Arlington National. Since I could see going there for general historical purposes I would certainly make a point to take a look at his site while there which I haven't seen in the 4 years or so since I was at the service itself.

seawolf17 Jan 14 2008 09:58 AM

I want my friends to roll me into a check-cashing store and try to get some money using my name.

themetfairy Jan 14 2008 10:24 AM

I want to be cremated. And I've already told my kids that I want my ashes spread in Bermuda, which is my favorite place in the world. I figure there are worse things to lay on kids than telling them that at least one out of the three of them has to return to Bermuda one day....

Willets Point Jan 14 2008 10:27 AM

After reading Stiff, I think donation is the way to go. What's left can be buried at sea in the Long Island Sound.

OlerudOwned Jan 14 2008 02:01 PM

Gut me for all I'm worth and toss me in the incinerator. I'm not going to do any good taking up space as a corpse.

Frayed Knot Jan 14 2008 02:13 PM

Willets Point wrote: What's left can be buried at sea in the Long Island Sound. That's something I know requires special governmental permission. I guess they don't want bodies washing up on shore all the time.

Valadius Jan 14 2008 03:04 PM

I'll be 21 in less than four weeks, so I haven't really had time to think about it.

KC Jan 14 2008 03:20 PM

I think we've had parts of this discussion before. I have two burial plots all ready to be filled -- but now I want no part of being buried. The wife wants to be buried but probably not in that cemetery unless I was or planned to be. Hopefully, I'll go first and someone can just do with me whatever they want. Doesn't really matter, I guess, I mean you're dead, right?

Frayed Knot Jan 14 2008 04:55 PM

John Prine had some views on the subject: Woke up this morning, put on my slippers. Walked in the kitchen and died. And oh what a feeling! - When my soul went thru the ceiling. And on up into heaven I did ride. When I got there they did say John it happened this way. You slipped upon the floor and hit your head. And all the angels say, just before you passed away, these were the very last words that you said. Chorus: Please don't bury me, down in that cold cold ground. No, I'd druther have em' cut me up and pass me all around. Throw my brain in a hurricane and the blind can have my eyes. and the deaf can take both of my ears if they don't mind the size. Give my stomach to Milwaukee if they run out of beer Put my socks in a cedar box just get em' out of here Venus de Milo can have my arms look out! I've got your nose. Sell my heart to the junkman and give my love to Rose <Chorus> Give my feet to the footloose - careless, fancy free. Give my knees to the needy don't pull that stuff on me. Hand me down my walking cane it's a sin to tell a lie. Send my mouth way down south and kiss my ass goodbye. <chorus>

seawolf17 Jan 14 2008 05:23 PM

Actually, you know what I really want? A jazz funeral, followed by a Viking burial at sea. Thankfully, my wife knows my wishes, so I'm good to go. How she pulls it off is her problem.

Rockin' Doc Jan 14 2008 08:00 PM

I'm a registered organ donor. Hopefully something I leave behind can benefit someone else. Then a simple burial in a local cemetary.

Gwreck Jan 14 2008 08:31 PM

="Rockin' Doc"]I'm a registered organ donor. Hopefully something I leave behind can benefit someone else. Exactly. What happens to me afterwards worries me far less than making sure that everything that can go and help, will go. In response to an earlier post, this is an especially important decision to make if you are a young(er) person because it's that much more likely that everything will be healthy and in good shape.

metirish Jan 14 2008 08:34 PM

Buried back in Tipperary, the final journey across the sea.

AG/DC Jan 14 2008 08:45 PM

Go home when you feel sick. Transatlantic journeys of the dead are not cheap rides.

Vic Sage Jan 15 2008 08:29 AM

Funerals are for the living. So, I've told my wife that she can do whatever will comfort her and the kids the most... she can keep me in an urn on the mantle, toss me in a dumpster, donate every inch of me to whoever wants me, or bury me in a gold casket in a marble mausoleum surrounded by my comicbook collection. Whatever wishes i may have will die with me anyway, so i don't want her to feel guilty about doing whatever it is she feels she needs to do. When my dad died, my mom had him cremated, even though she didn't want to. It made her sad, and she kept his ashes in the box they came in, stuck in the back of his clothes closet, where all his clothes remained. When my mom died, I found the ashes and poured most of them on the beach of coney island (note: don't stand down wind while doing this). We had my mom buried in a Jewish cemetary with her parents and siblings, and put a stone for my dad next to her. The funeral home snuck my dad's remaining ashes into the casket with her (strictly verboten in a Jewish cemetary!). My brothers and I figured that they deserved each other.

Benjamin Grimm Jan 15 2008 08:33 AM

Vic Sage wrote: Funerals are for the living. Yes, they are.

Willets Point Jan 15 2008 09:05 AM

Vic Sage wrote: (note: don't stand down wind while doing this).

Frayed Knot Jan 15 2008 11:13 AM

^ I thought of that scene immediately also. ' ' ' I guess 'family plots' aren't as common as they once were back in the day. A country that was much more rural left lots of room for burials on private land, and also a larger pct of folks years ago lived and died within a handful of miles from the spot where they were born and grew up. Family plots remind me of the joke about how a WASP proposes marriage: - He asks the girl; "would you like to be buried with my people?"

John Cougar Lunchbucket Jan 15 2008 11:23 AM

Something about that scene isn't how I remember it.

A Boy Named Seo Jan 15 2008 12:22 PM

Dig that John Prine song. I'd like to not be buried. Cremation seems easiest and dumping my ashes over the Pacific would be good enough for me. Don't know if permits are required, but I'm sure my peeps could sneak it in. This song by Iron & Wine hits on this subject. I love the lyrics. I think his wife is on backing vocals. She says "wake up, it's no use pretending" I'll keep stealing, breathing her. Birds are leaving over autumn's ending One of us will die inside these arms Eyes wide open, naked as we came One will spread our ashes 'round the yard She says "If I leave before you, darling Don't you waste me in the ground" I lay smiling like our sleeping children One of us will die inside these arms Eyes wide open, naked as we came One will spread our ashes round the yard

Willets Point Jan 15 2008 09:07 PM

John Cougar Lunchbucket wrote: Something about that scene isn't how I remember it. That's what I get for posting youtube links with the speakers off.