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Who ya gonna call?

AG/DC Jan 25 2008 07:48 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Jan 25 2008 07:59 AM

You're inna sitchooation and you have two calls for help --- one to a past Met, one to a present Met. Who ya gonna call? Answer with a past Met, answer with a current Met, then present a new situation. Your neighbor has installed an illegal and substandard hockey rink next door to your front yard, and it's giving you and your wife fits. You need somebody to stay up late with you, down about 10 beers, then sneak over and do some ill-advised property damage. Who ya gonna call?

Benjamin Grimm Jan 25 2008 07:56 AM

Carl Everett! You've been sent to the house of a famous movie star to give him a massage, but when you get there, he appears to be dead. You don't have Mary Kate Olsen's phone number, just your Ultimate Mets Rolodex. Who do you call?

MFS62 Jan 25 2008 07:59 AM

Frank Cashen. He helped the team rise from the dead. You have to re-wire a room in your house. Who do you call? Later

Centerfield Jan 25 2008 08:06 AM

Former Met: Easy, Todd Pratt. Todd has done this a million times and comes up with dastardly things even you hadn't thought of. Current Met: Harder. I guess Jose, but with him, you're the ringleader and you have to point the way for your young friend. New Situation: Your roof needs repair...money is tight and you don't want to lay out to have it done professionally. It's hot, sunny, you have one day to get it done. Pick the two Mets you call for help.

metirish Jan 25 2008 08:12 AM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Jan 25 2008 08:30 AM

Centerfield wrote: New Situation: Your roof needs repair...money is tight and you don't want to lay out to have it done professionally. It's hot, sunny, you have one day to get it done. Pick the two Jets you call for help. Definitely I need a few Mexicans for this job Francisco Estrada and Oliver Perez are looking for work. You're a rich prick and your caddy never showed up, who ya gonna call.

themetfairy Jan 25 2008 08:16 AM

CF - you messed up on your answer. Bobby Valentine is a licensed electrician. ON EDIT - Irish beat me fair and square, so his question rides.

Centerfield Jan 25 2008 08:29 AM

Oops. I took so long mine was in answer to Edgy's original scenario. Please disregard.

Benjamin Grimm Jan 25 2008 08:33 AM

Oh! I thought you preferred your electricians to be dastardly.

Centerfield Jan 25 2008 08:34 AM

metirish wrote: You're a rich prick and your caddy never showed up, who ya gonna call. Former Met: Joe McEwing Current Met: David Wright It's 3 a.m....you're drunk, you've run up an enormous bar tab and you realize you lost your wallet sometime during the night. You also can't drive in the state you're in. You reach into your pocket and realize you have fifty cents, enough for two phone calls. Who is most likely to come get you, settle the bar tab, and drive you home?

AG/DC Jan 25 2008 08:36 AM

(Too late.)

Centerfield Jan 25 2008 08:56 AM

Just like with Gimme a Met, we should start calling these so we can take our time with our answer.

DocTee Jan 25 2008 09:41 AM

50 cents, for what it's worth, will get you only one call these days.

themetfairy Jan 25 2008 09:49 AM

] It's 3 a.m....you're drunk, you've run up an enormous bar tab and you realize you lost your wallet sometime during the night. You also can't drive in the state you're in. You reach into your pocket and realize you have fifty cents, enough for two phone calls. Who is most likely to come get you, settle the bar tab, and drive you home? Tug McGraw would have taken care of you. After all, he probably asked you the same favor once or twice. You're planning a program for Little Leaguers on the dangers of PEDs, and you need a speaker on whom you can rely to have never touched the stuff. Whom do you call?

soupcan Jan 25 2008 10:35 AM

themetfairy wrote: You're planning a program for Little Leaguers on the dangers of PEDs, and you need a speaker on whom you can rely to have never touched the stuff. Whom do you call? Doctor K all the way. Recreational drugs sure, but performance enhancers? I wish. Your audition on American Idol is not going well. Paula's tapping her feet and smirking, Randy's chewing his pen and looking at Simon sideways to get an inkling of which way he should vote. Simon though is looking incredibly bored and is grabbing for the gong stick. Who's gonna burst in and make sure you get the golden ticket to Hollywood?

Nymr83 Jan 25 2008 11:23 AM

]Who ya gonna call?

Nymr83 Jan 25 2008 11:24 AM

]You're planning a program for Little Leaguers on the dangers of PEDs, and you need a speaker on whom you can rely to have never touched the stuff. Whom do you call? Rey Ordonez!

AG/DC Jan 25 2008 12:34 PM Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Jan 25 2008 01:03 PM

Well, jees, that hit the brakes. I'm not sure how a Met could save a solo vocal performance, but Doug Flynn could strum on a guitar and get the act back in gear. A celebrity visit from Jose Reyes might also get the ratings up. I don't know any performance could be saved, though, if you actually made a phone call in the middle of it. Need a party planned for a five-year-old's birthday that --- if all goes accordingly --- is going to be the talk of the Kindergarten dropoff line for the next six months. Which Met will you call?

DocTee Jan 25 2008 12:40 PM

Kris and Anna Benson.

Gwreck Jan 25 2008 12:41 PM

AG/DC wrote: Need a party planned for a five-year-old's birthday that --- if all goes accordingly --- is going to be the talk of the Kindergarter dropoff line for the next six months. Which Met will you call? I'd think that Melvin Mora is probably pretty good at dealing with large groups of kids. You've got a trip to Vegas planned with three of your best buddies. First-class the whole way -- nice rooms at the Bellagio, first-class plane tickets, dinner reservations, etc. One of them backs out. Who you gonna call to take his place so that you still have as good a time?

G-Fafif Jan 25 2008 01:22 PM

Gwreck wrote: ="AG/DC"]Need a party planned for a five-year-old's birthday that --- if all goes accordingly --- is going to be the talk of the Kindergarter dropoff line for the next six months. Which Met will you call? I'd think that Melvin Mora is probably pretty good at dealing with large groups of kids. You've got a trip to Vegas planned with three of your best buddies. First-class the whole way -- nice rooms at the Bellagio, first-class plane tickets, dinner reservations, etc. One of them backs out. Who you gonna call to take his place so that you still have as good a time? My buddy Izzy just got like the whole summer off and he's a madman. Plays softball with Hooters girls and everything. He'd be awesome on this trip. But I should really get this thing on my leg looked at when I get back. It's not getting any better. Anybody know a good dermatologist?

Fman99 Jan 25 2008 01:22 PM

Gwreck wrote: ="AG/DC"]Need a party planned for a five-year-old's birthday that --- if all goes accordingly --- is going to be the talk of the Kindergarter dropoff line for the next six months. Which Met will you call? I'd think that Melvin Mora is probably pretty good at dealing with large groups of kids. You've got a trip to Vegas planned with three of your best buddies. First-class the whole way -- nice rooms at the Bellagio, first-class plane tickets, dinner reservations, etc. One of them backs out. Who you gonna call to take his place so that you still have as good a time? Well if it's 1987 I'm calling Straw. He'd be down for whatever, I would think. From the current roster it's Petey. The guy just knows how to have fun. OK -- you're in a bind and you've got a situation where you need to have someone 'snuffed out.' Who do you call that you think is most 'connected' and can put you in touch with 'a guy?'

metirish Jan 25 2008 02:16 PM

Fman99 wrote: OK -- you're in a bind and you've got a situation where you need to have someone 'snuffed out.' Who do you call that you think is most 'connected' and can put you in touch with 'a guy?' Pete "bada bing" Falcone knows who to talk to down in Bed-Stuy. You're a rich prick and need someone to write your biography, who ya gonna call?

Willets Point Jan 25 2008 02:46 PM

metirish wrote: You're a rich prick and need someone to write your biography, who ya gonna call? Lenny Dykstra. Granted he writes more books than he reads but he'd be perfect for ghost-writing a rich prick's bio. You are the producer of a telenovela and need two hunky guys for a romantic sweeps week sequence. What past and current Mets are you going to cast for these guest parts.

seawolf17 Jan 25 2008 02:54 PM

Present? Jose "GQ" Reyes. Past? Rey Ordonez. Them's sexy Latino dudes. You're producing a drag show in the Village, and two of your top queens just called in sick. Who do you call to "suit up" and fill the roles?

Willets Point Jan 25 2008 03:02 PM

Too bad this is limited to Mets because Alfonso Soriano has always looked "queeny" to me.

G-Fafif Jan 25 2008 03:22 PM

seawolf17 wrote: Present? Jose "GQ" Reyes. Past? Rey Ordonez. Them's sexy Latino dudes. You're producing a drag show in the Village, and two of your top queens just called in sick. Who do you call to "suit up" and fill the roles? Lastings Milledge enjoyed his rookie hazing so much he kept the dress. I still want to know what Met dermatologist is going to look at this thing on my leg.

Mendoza Line Jan 25 2008 04:07 PM

I think Doc Medich's specialty is orthopedics, but he'll still be able to do more for your leg than he did for the Mets in 1978. If you prefer a current Met, Scott Schoeneweis should be able to get you a prescription for whatever you need. You're a football coach, and your team is playing the Patriots in the Super Bowl next week. You need security to keep Bill Belichick from filiming your secret practice sessions. Plenty of current and former Mets can use the extra cash. Who do you call?

G-Fafif Jan 25 2008 04:13 PM

Ramon Castro says he's got his orders, you ain't gettin' anywhere near practice. And if you try any funny business, Charlie O'Brien is stationed on the roof with a bow and arrow. Meanwhile, on the other side of Glendale, Ariz., Tom Coughlin is at a loss to motivate the Giants. What Met(s) can possibly deliver an inspirational talk?

AG/DC Jan 25 2008 05:00 PM Edited 2 time(s), most recently on Jan 25 2008 07:38 PM

Shawon Dunston will whip the G-Men into a hypermotivated frenzy. The only trouble would be if they came out too keyed. Getting into individual faces is Orlando "Don't tell me about adversity; I floated here on a takeout chicken container" Hernandez. You thought you had an invite, but the host of the party treating you like shit has made it clear that you're not welcome. You want to cut a noxious fart --- a real A-bomb --- before you leave, but you don't have it in you. Is there a Met or two who can leave that silent killer behind on your behalf?

themetfairy Jan 25 2008 05:22 PM

Once again I come up with a good answer way too late, but Dr. Ron Taylor should have looked at G-FAFIF's leg.

G-Fafif Jan 25 2008 05:25 PM

AG/DC wrote: You thought you had an invite, but the host of the party treating you like shit has made it clear that you're not welcome. You want to cut a noxious fart --- a real A-bomb --- before you leave, but you don't have it in you. Is there a Met or two who can leave that silent killer behind on your behalf? Dude! Who invited Hundley? And is there a Met who can do anything with this old PC? It's frozen and I can't get at my files.

themetfairy Jan 25 2008 05:52 PM

Ron Darling. That Yale degree comes in handy at times. You want a Met (present or former) to sing the National Anthem before the Super Bowl. Whom do you call?

Gwreck Jan 25 2008 06:29 PM

Gary Carter's your man. I need a reservation at the finest restaurant in New York. Who'd get it for me without even breaking a sweat?

soupcan Jan 25 2008 06:46 PM

Gwreck wrote: I need a reservation at the finest restaurant in New York. Who'd get it for me without even breaking a sweat? Rusty-uranteur Staub comes to mind first but I'm guessing that suave Manhattanite Mex could handle that as well. I need to unearth the oil tank in my front yard and move it inside into my basement because of environmental concerns. To whom can I turn?

AG/DC Jan 25 2008 08:46 PM

Frank Taveras in an unmarked white van, thank you very much. Help! I need a Met to take my darling sweet baby sister out and show her a gentlemanly good time.

DocTee Jan 25 2008 09:00 PM

Bruce Berenyi, come on down (and out). Now who's gonna take my place in the "Dancing with Stars" competition?

themetfairy Jan 25 2008 09:12 PM

Bobby Valentine, who has experience in competitive ballroom dancing (there's nothing he can't do). You need a DJ for your daughter's Sweet 16 party. Whom do you call to spin the discs (metaphorically speaking)?

G-Fafif Jan 25 2008 09:51 PM

themetfairy wrote: You need a DJ for your daughter's Sweet 16 party. Whom do you call to spin the discs (metaphorically speaking)? The DJ with the flyest name in the hood: Vinegar Bend Mizell. Meanwhile, my driveway's being held hostage by a snow drift. Which Met has that plow on his pickup again?

Willets Point Jan 26 2008 07:34 PM

Rick Reed at your service. You need a plow if you're going hunting in the mountains of West Virginia after all. Google Maps keeps telling you to go down one-way streets. What Met is going to know the REAL shortcut across town, even at rush hour?

G-Fafif Jan 26 2008 08:10 PM

John Franco's from around here. He knows all the back streets. But what Met knows how to cobble a winning strategy for Super Tuesday?

DocTee Jan 26 2008 09:29 PM

Why clubhouse politician Al Leiter, of course. Who can dig up the dirt I need on my political opponent?

G-Fafif Jan 26 2008 10:29 PM

DocTee wrote: Who can dig up the dirt I need on my political opponent? Call a grave digger: Richie Hebner. But who ya gonna call when your bassist develops a blister and your garage band has that make or break gig down at the American Legion hall?

AG/DC Mar 08 2008 01:01 PM

Nolan Ryan got his blister problem under control for about a hundred seasons. I can't recommend anyone better. Winter ball in Venezuela sounded like a good idea. But it's not working out and I've got to get home for a family situation. The friendly-looking owner/GM had told me I could get out of my contract, but now he's looking more sinister, singing a different tune, and reminding me that he has my passport and I can't go anywhere, reminding me by waving it cockily in front of my face. He didn't count on my athletic reflexes. I grab it, dash to the parking lot, where an ex-Met is waiting to tear through the streets of Caracas at reckless speeds to get me to the aeropuerto. Which Met is this high-pressure driver?

MFS62 Mar 08 2008 01:04 PM

The driver is Tom Glavine. He already lost some teeth in a car accident, so he figures lightning can't strike twice in the same spot. He'd be fearless. Speaking of spots, you're the best man at a wedding and just spilled red wine on the front of your shirt. Who will you call to clean out the spot in time for picture taking? Later

DocTee Mar 08 2008 01:08 PM

Mackey Sasser, in his pre-Smithers clinic days, would lick the spot clean. Your best man is a no-show at your wedding. Which Met delivers a pinch hit toast?

TheOldMole Mar 08 2008 01:56 PM

I'd go with Keith Hernandez -- he's developed into a pretty smooth talker. You're taking your Ph.D. orals in art history and you haven't studied for them, but fortunately no one on your review board knows what you look like, so you put in a emergency call to...

Rockin' Doc Mar 08 2008 03:12 PM

I'd have Ron Darling stand in for me. His Ivy League education would come in handy. A regular on your league bowling team is sick and can't make it. The league grants you the right to have a stand in bowl in his place, so who are you going to call?

Fman99 Mar 08 2008 06:32 PM

Well that'd be avid bowler David Wright... since Jerome Bettis never donned the orange and blue. It's April 14th and you realized your taxes aren't done. Who's your ace in the hole for help with those pesky 1040's, schedules and whatnot?

OlerudOwned Mar 09 2008 11:43 AM

Since we appear to have abandoned the Former+Current format, I'll just take the [url=http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=jp-springbannister030808&prov=yhoo&type=lgns]number crunching[/url] Brian Bannister. Your hot date is showing up in an hour and you can't get that souffle to rise. Who's helping you get baked?

themetfairy Mar 09 2008 11:48 AM

Known gourmet Rusty Staub. You're going out of the country on a trip, but your passport hasn't arrived yet. Whom can you trust to forge you a good one?

MFS62 Mar 09 2008 11:56 AM

themetfairy wrote: You're going out of the country on a trip, but your passport hasn't arrived yet. Whom can you trust to forge you a good one? Computer whiz Davey Johnson could probably figure out a way to print up a real good one. You want to go to a current movie, but there are several ones you might want to see. Which Met would you trust to suggest the one that you would enjoy most? Later

TheOldMole Mar 10 2008 07:51 AM

Well-known movie critic Yogi Berra. You've been arrested for a triple homicide. You're innocent, but they found you standing over the body with a smoking gun in your hand. You don't have a lawyer, so you decide to call a Met. Who?

AG/DC Mar 10 2008 09:03 AM

Keith Hernandez, with a rolodex full of connections, gills full of coke and blood stream that thrives on competition. He doesn't want to know if I did it. He just wants enough to cast reasonable doubt. He's my lawyer. I love him and I'm terrified of him. Where's my dog? Can a Met help me find my dog?

sharpie Mar 10 2008 10:57 AM

Jim Hickman can. Don't ask me why, he just can. There's a busted lamp that needs re-wiring. I'm pretty sure there is a Met who can take care of this. Question is: who?

AG/DC Mar 10 2008 11:11 AM

I'm assuming Bobby V. is still busy on Dancing with the Stars, correct?

Centerfield Mar 10 2008 11:13 AM

Bobby Valentine's busy? Ok, call Joe McEwing. You're single, about to go on a date, and you need five Mets to be your "Queer Eyes".

Centerfield Mar 10 2008 11:15 AM

AG/DC wrote: I'm assuming Bobby V. is still busy on Dancing with the Stars, correct? Oprah Winfrey? What?

Fman99 Mar 10 2008 01:21 PM

Centerfield wrote: Bobby Valentine's busy? Ok, call Joe McEwing. You're single, about to go on a date, and you need five Mets to be your "Queer Eyes". Don't do it! They're really CRAB PEOPLE.