We Must Invent A Robotic Toilet Paper Dispenser NOW

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

So as I mentioned in another thread we recently had 1 bathroom redone, and it's nice and delivered an unexpected base-psychological benefit I hadn't expected--this dumpy place we bought just before the pandemic, with big plans to fix up, sat un-fixed-up for so long due to a combo of Wifey Bucket's surprise layoff (literally 2 weeks before the pandemic) and the pandemic itself, long enough so that the dreary conditions here subtly colonized my mood and outlook, and since this has been done, I feel like I'm thinking more clearly. I dunno.

But there's 1 thing. It's a small bathroom, and in order to fit everything we wanted in--a slightly larger tub, a cantilver-ish sink with a small counter and storage, and a toilet--we didn't leave quite enough room for a mounted toilet paper holder, at least one that could be easily accessed.

Here's what we're looking at. (from left sink, toilet, tub)



There's nowhere on the rear wall between the sink & toilet that works, you'd break your arm, and for Lunchpail, who's a lefty, forget it. We tried mounting a holder beneath the sink but that was also awkward for a variety of reasons. The wall opposite this view is 1) about a half-foot too far away; 2) where the heat comes in and towels are hung, so not really ideal either.

Obvuiously a freestanding holder is the right solution but-- even the telescoping ones at home depot don't reduce height enough to be stored where it should be--tucked under that sink--then moved into the right position. Otherwise you've got this thing standing in the middle of the bathroom floor, it'd get wet, be in the way etc.

What we really need, and I need to someone to invent or show me how to build -- a simple robotic standing toilet paper holder that
1) moves when needed along the floor to the right position on the floor
2) telescopes as needed so as to grow in height, then reduce when not in use
3) move back to its out-of-sight "home" robot charging station when not in use
4) (not completely necessary but a HUGE bonus) do all the above when motion is sensed relating to human ass pressure on the toilet seat
5) do so without fucking up the floor or creating anything that interferes with a tight space

This obviously is something I could hack with one of lunchpails remote-control cars, duct tape and a few clothes hangers, but Wifey Bucket, who's already against the idea of my trying to solve the problem this way, would hate that even more, so I need an elegant and simple design that works.

I'm certain that as robotic challenges go, this is a fairly simple one, but seriously -- how would go about getting one invented if you're ignorant of robotics and elegant design?

[MFS62]

Based on which side you prefer, maybe one of those shower caddies that hold shampoo (etc.) could be hung on the edge of the tub facing the toilet to hold the TP. And, it would be hidden by the shower curtain.
Or, on the edge of the sink.
It might do until you can bring the robotic one to market. Or a modified caddy with a spool to hold the TP.
Later

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

Tub side is out--not only way too tight but the TP would get wet. Side of the sink not good either--your right shoulder would smash into it. mouting beneath also tricky as mentioned--one the height's not ideal, the other issue is that it would interfere with a drawer there, and yes, we thought about mounting beneath the drawer, but opening the drawer would be too challenging from that seated position.

[whippoorwill]

Keep it on the sink but hold it while your sitting there?

I like your idea though!

The lefty thing is interesting; I never thought of that. In our two bathrooms one is on the left and one on the right

[whippoorwill]

How about this?

[Edgy MD]

What I find interesting is that the robot is asked to all that but you draw the line at, you know, wiping.

[MFS62]

Too bad you don't have one of those old time pull-chain toilets, or Tessio would have you suggested you hide the TP behind the tank.

Later

[seawolf17]

Put a bidet in your toilet.

[kcmets]

I'm not a cat person, but I like that joy-roll tail dispenser!

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

Realistically something like what Cooby suggested is going to be the solution, but I thought there's a chance that this is an actual design problem for some rooms and a not-small chance that someone in Japan has already invented something like this. Plus its sort of a funny story I tried to entertain with

[Edgy MD]

I tend to think that, though the idea of free-standing toilet paper holders are classy in concept, they are too- often problematic in deployment.

The low- lying ones like Cooby's get exposed to too much bath steam, splash damage and kicking, and before the roll is half done, it's really become an unattractive option for contact with your ass.

The ones suspended higher up are prone to being knocked over, often by elbows bent for the wiping act, as your eyes are distracted by the impressive results of your pooping. Even if youse all get used to its presence, your guests will be knocking it over like a bowling pin, and BAM! the whole house is wakened by the clatter of stainless steel against ceramic and porcelain.

And where does the roll end up? Two out of three times on the nasty floor. The third time, it's in the toilet, and you (or a guest) is reaching in to fish it out from amongst that pile o' turds you were just admiring.

I'm going to come out here as an advocate for over-toilet-tank shelving. Not only does it provide a healthy and reachable spot on which to sit (or suspend) your toilet paper roll, it also provides extra surface area for toiletry items that want to live on the wash basin but don't quite fit there, or want to live on the bath basin, but find a similar shortage of space.

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

Thinking about a retractable roller we could somehow pull down from the ceiling then retract so it's out of the way when not in use

[whippoorwill]

I tend to think that, though the idea of free-standing toilet paper holders are classy in concept, they are too- often problematic in deployment.

The low- lying ones like Cooby's get exposed to too much bath steam, splash damage and kicking, and before the roll is half done, it's really become an unattractive option for contact with your ass.

The ones suspended higher up are prone to being knocked over, often by elbows bent for the wiping act, as your eyes are distracted by the impressive results of your pooping. Even if youse all get used to its presence, your guests will be knocking it over like a bowling pin, and BAM! the whole house is wakened by the clatter of stainless steel against ceramic and porcelain.

And where does the roll end up? Two out of three times on the nasty floor. The third time, it's in the toilet, and you (or a guest) is reaching in to fish it out from amongst that pile o' turds you were just admiring.

I'm going to come out here as an advocate for over-toilet-tank shelving. Not only does it provide a healthy and reachable spot on which to sit (or suspend) your toilet paper roll, it also provides extra surface area for toiletry items that want to live on the wash basin but don't quite fit there, or want to live on the bath basin, but find a similar shortage of space.

Actually we need this.
And this is the best thread for a long time

[batmagadanleadoff]

In one bathroom, I have both kinds. I have the conventional toilet paper holder that's on the wall, or kinda bulit into the wall, very close to the toilet. And on the floor, I have that cat like thing that cooby posted, but without the cat motif, which I use to hold several rolls until the main roll on the wall by the toilet runs out. I use it for storage. My cooby cat thing holds about four rolls, but sometimes, I'll stack it five or six rolls high, even though then, the top one or two rolls wouldn't be held in place by the cooby cat thing. Like Edgy, I'm not a big fan of it, though I've never had any of the problems that Edgy lists in his post. It works fine, like it's intended to work. I can't recall how I got it in the first place. It had to have been a gift because I'm positive that I never shopped for it. But I'm too lazy to remove it, even though I don't like it. It's become, as they say, part of the furniture.

[metsmarathon]

Mount the cat holder to a roomba.

Ok fine. A better solution would be to build something up in Lego mindstorms.

Also you might not need to to be fully sensor based. You could have a button on the sink to activate it, and it follows a programmed moment.

Otherwise you run the risk of scaring the shit out of your unwitting guests.

[Fman99]

You should just hire a small Lithuanian man and allow him to live in an adjacent closet or crawl space. Teach him to be summoned with a specific rhythmic clap and bring you a fresh roll. Call him Sahib.

[Edgy MD]

Am I the only one risk-averse enough to see the free-standing dispenser cooby displayed above and think of the one-in-a-million accident Frank Costanza suffered in the "Fusilli Jerry" episode of Seinfeld?

[whippoorwill]

I don’t know what you’re meaning, but the more I look at that cat the creepier the position looks to me

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

You should just hire a small Lithuanian man and allow him to live in an adjacent closet or crawl space. Teach him to be summoned with a specific rhythmic clap and bring you a fresh roll. Call him Sahib.

I shouldn't have to tell you we have consider that. The issue as I see it, isn't a shortage of small Lithiuanian men I can hire. It's can I find one with the ability to not just arrive with fresh rolls but dispense the wipes in quantites sufficient for a job for which the end user only knows. That is the magic we seek, and which to all other men, Lithuanian or not, remains an impenetrable mystery.

[Fman99]

The struggle is real

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

So in case you're not glued to Twitter for details, I've tried provoking the manufacturer of a repurposed countertop paper towel holder that we've been using as a workaround.

This works but is not truly an ideal, 1-handed solution for your ass-wiping needs.
--shortcoming 1: it requires the two-roll foundation to forever be in place, as noted.
--shortcoming 2: the tension arm pressure is centered on the "middle" roll, so as the top roll depletes, there's no pressure on it, and its just all-men-for-themselves CHAOS. Plus the Tension Arm Pressure-Spreader it self unnecessarily large

So ideally, it's this invention, but with small but radical modifications:

--1: The center post goes from the base ~2 toilet rolls high (plus whatever clearance is needed)...
--2: before a locking hinge makes it shoot off horizontally ~1 toilet-paper roll long
--3: This swing-out locking part of the center post has its own MSTA: miniature spring tension arm (or perhaps a wider-circumference, removable "cap" at the end), meant to provide the proper RRS (roll-rip stability).
--4: This miniature spring tension arm is collapsible or at least slim enough, so that when the locking right-angle arm is upright, new rolls can be added--from the top down, OR from the bottom up!
--5: A modified vertical tension arm that centers pressure at the junction of the bottom two rolls, with a Tension Arm Pressure Spreader only long enough to keep those from moving. (Alternatively, you really don't need a vertical tension arm at all--so its MORE EFFICIENT with HIGHER PROFIT MARGINS

[MFS62]

How does it remain in place (so when you're pulling TP, the whole thing doesn't tilt toward you)?
Is there a suction cup or non skid pad on the bottom?

Later

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

Good engineering mind. The answer is, I don't know, and my nonengingeering brain would say "just try putting additional weight into the base, and extend the base for as long as you have to--until its sufficient to withstand not only everyday trips, but the rare but explosive Mexican Fiesta Level-desperate yanks that we may, over time, ask of it.