S*** My Spouse Says

[Edgy MD]

　/*cell phone rings

　/*wife in passenger seat glances at phone

Edgewife: "I've got to block some numbers."

Edgy MD: "Why? Who is it?"

Edgewife: "I don't know, but good luck trying to get me to pick up a call from Florida."

[kcmets]

I stopped blocking numbers.

They're not calling from the number that pops up anyways and the
number that shows up is rarely duplicated.

AT&T recently changed the phone protect app. I've gone from twelve
garbage calls a day to virtually none. Hope it lasts, but I'm sure the
assholes of the world are busy looking for a work-around.

[whippoorwill]

Dang that’s why KC never takes my calls

[Edgy MD]

The additionally funny part is that, while she thought she was stiff-arming a telemarketer trying to move some time-shares or something, the call was actually from a sweet older nun named Sister Andrei asking if I needed a needed a sacramental house call during my convalescence.

She assured Sister Andrei that I had been back on my feet for two weeks.

[kcmets]

KB: No.

(lack of exclamation point is intentional)

[Lefty Specialist]

I actually got a spam call once spoofed from my own number. I couldn't believe it. I had to answer and it was some recording wanting me to extend my car warranty.

[MFS62]

"I have nothing to wear".

Later

[kcmets]

"Does this look ok?"
"Never better!"

[MFS62]

"Does this look ok?"
"Never better!"

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
In 54 years of marriage, I have never known how to answer that.
I owe you one, big guy.
You are my hero.
Later

[kcmets]

I have like a half-dozen Andrew Dice Clay quotes I'd like to rattle
off... but now is not the time.

[Lefty Specialist]

(Sigh) "Well, if you really want to."
"Why don't you turn off the light when you're leaving a room?"
"I told you this would happen but you wouldn't listen."
"Why don't you just ask for directions?"***

I got a million of 'em.

***(pre-GPS era)

[kcmets]

"Why don't you just ask for directions?"***

My friends father growing up used to always say 'real men give directions
they don't take them.'

He's dead now, his wife killed him.

[Fman99]

Fwife and Fgirl are in Costa Rica for ten days on a girl scouts trip. They are having a wonderful time. My wife is perpetually cold and brings blankets with her everywhere (even on this trip, for the plane presumably). She told me the local tour guide called her and my daughter "pinguinos."