Headlines

[Frayed Knot]

NY Post: POLICE FIND LOADED GUN IN MAN'S BUTTOCKS DURING STRIP SEARCH



Well how else would you find a loaded gun in a man's buttocks?

[Frayed Knot]

NY POST: MAN BANNED FROM YELLOWSTONE FOR TRYING TO FRY CHICKENS IN HOT SPRING



I dunno, this sounds like an excellent use of renewable and non-fossil fuel energy if you ask me.

[Lefty Specialist]

That would technically be boiling, not frying.

[whippoorwill]

Looking through a scrapbook my grandma kept in the 30s and 40s I came across a five year old girl had had a baby.

Lina Medina of Peru.

[Edgy MD]

Somebody from my hometown of Rockville Centre let me know that champion swimmer and actor Johnny Weissmuller had once lived there. I hadn't known that (you'd think he'd live in Tarzana), so I did a little research. I wasn't able to find the confirmation I was looking for, but I did stumble across the May 13, 1960 issue of The Desert Sun, a daily that still publishes, covering a circulation area of Palm Springs, CA, and the Coachella Valley Desert.

Well, apparently the institution of special education programs was a big concern at the time, because look at the headline they put above the masthead.



Perhaps that was the sort of headline that led to a lot of impulse buys the spring of 1960, but the editor wasn't done. You open to the story, and you see where he or she had to pare down the headline's verbiage in order to conserve space. Was any meaning lost in that paring-down? YOU be the judge!

[Frayed Knot]

Ladies and gentlemen, the New York Post: NYC MAN CUTS OFF PENIS, THROWS IT IN THE TOILET

[Frayed Knot]

NYDN: FLORIDA WOMAN BEATS ROOMMATE OVER REPEATEDLY PLAYING 'LE FREAK'


1) I think this falls under the category of justifiable beating
2) Of course it's a Florida woman.

[MFS62]

NYDN: FLORIDA WOMAN BEATS ROOMMATE OVER REPEATEDLY PLAYING 'LE FREAK'

That wasn't very chic of her.
Later

[whippoorwill]

Good one!

[Edgy MD]

I have to score that round for Florida over New York.

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

Missouri man’s alleged motive for killings wife, in-laws: ‘They wouldn’t leave’

[MFS62]

Missouri man’s alleged motive for killing in-laws: ‘They wouldn’t leave’

NOT GUILTY! Justifiable homicide.

Later

[Frayed Knot]

NY Post: MAN BUSTED AT JFK WITH 35 LIVE FINCHES STUFFED INSIDE HAIR CURLERS

[Frayed Knot]

Been a while since we had a good Florida (wo)Man story, so we turn to the New York Daily News for our latest fix:
HALF NAKED WOMAN SMASHES UP TWO RESTAURANTS, BATTLES COPS

Or, as they call it in Florida, Monday

[Benjamin Grimm]

Doing the math, if she was fully naked she would have been able to smash up four restaurants.

[Willets Point]

There's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1oTASs57i8

[Edgy MD]

Doing the math, if she was fully naked she would have been able to smash up four restaurants.

I too have been doing math, and that woman is more than half naked.

[Lefty Specialist]

WaPo:

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro hospitalized after 10 days of hiccups

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/20 ... d-hiccups/

[Lefty Specialist]

Woman claims strawberry Pop-Tarts don't have enough strawberries, sues for $5 million

https://www.nbcnews.com/business/busine ... s-n1282442

[Benjamin Grimm]

If this works, I'm going to file a similar claim for blueberry Pop-Tarts.

[MFS62]

If this works, I'm going to file a similar claim for blueberry Pop-Tarts.

Unfortunately, my favorite was the Cinnamon Pop-Tarts.
How do you count cinnamon?

Later

[Edgy MD]

Bob Saget’s fatal head injury is a wake-up call for us all

I don't want to make too much of this because, dear God, the man is dead, but are we all, really, too casually dismissive about the health risks of hitting one's head on hotel furniture?

[Edgy MD]

Putting Harriet Tubman On A $20 Bill Won't End Inequality

Well, shit.

[Frayed Knot]

That's the most depressing news I've heard since I learned that me buying a Hootie and the Blowfish record wasn't going to end racial prejudice.

[kcmets]

What they should do:
Keep the $1, $5 and $100 people... Washington, Lincoln and Franklin rock!
Issue $10, $20, $30, $40 and $50 bills randomly with like fifty historical people.