The Crane Pool Forum

This was a theme that passed through this forum sometime back as an aside (possibly by LWFS). It might apply only to street food, or might apply only to New York City food, or it might apply only to New York City street food. But the idea was that a dish loses it's authenticity (or street cred?) once it gets past eight varieties. There were eight credible toppings for pizza, and once you got past those, you were paying too much for your pizza. There were eight acceptable varieties for bagels, and once you get beyond that, gtfo.

I had not heard this theory, but sensed at least some truth in it. On one hand, enforcement of the rule had a counter-progessive tone to it, on the other, it was a good way to figure out if there were pod people among you. Your kid brings home a girl and she orders a chocolate chip bagel, wedding bells may not be in the future.

Anyhow, I'm just wondering if anybody else recalls this conversation, and to what other foods might it apply (or have applied)? Italian cookies? C&C cola? Daiquiris? Knishes?

Oreos? They're probably already past the Rule of Sixty Four.

Yeah, but can you spot an inauthentic gourmand by the the type of Oreos on his or her plate?

I imagine you make it a policy to aggressively steer clear of any and all bullshit Pop-Tart connoisseurs. "Watermelon Vegemite? That sounds interesting. Would you excuse me a moment?"

Bullshit Pop-Tart connoisseurs are the bane of my existence.

For me, potato chips. After salt, onion, garlic, hot(spicy), vinegar and pickle (and that's a stretch), what else? But Lays keeps trying to introduce new flavors in four-flavor tests, with the buyers voting. I can't wait for tutti-fruity (S/M = 99). Any added flavor should be in the dip.
Later

Hummus. Hummus is a bean paste made from chickpeas, tahini, garlic, lemon, and olive oil. It does not involve chocolate.

horse hockey, mostly. It probably ties to the quality over quantity argument, but that's hardly conclusive either.

I dig asiago cheese bagels for instance. Chocolate chip bagels can be good, I like sweet things and a dab of sweetness is appreciated in a bagel sometimes.

Doesn't apply to baseball either. 8 teams? boring.

Thirty baseball teams provide almost no variety, to be honest.

I know this is pure fantasy, but I would love to see eight team leagues.

With no playoffs.

Or at most, the top two teams in each league meet in a playoff. I'd definitely watch more baseball.

hmm... what ARE the eight acceptable varieties of bagel?

because, done right, chocolate chip better be right up on there. French toast, too. fight me.

The only kind of bagel I generally buy is plain, egg, poppy, or cinnamon raisin.

I guess the classicks are: plain, sesame, poppy, onion, egg, raisin, pumpernickel, and salt?

Edgy MD wrote: ↑Sun Apr 19, 2020 9:35 pm I guess the classicks are: plain, sesame, poppy, onion, egg, raisin, pumpernickel, and salt?

I never saw egg and pumpernickel when I bought bagels in the bagel shops I remember as a kid.
Later

You go back to the ... Rule of Six?

Edgy MD wrote: ↑Mon Apr 20, 2020 9:01 am You go back to the ... Rule of Six?

For bagels.
Later

Bagels are serious business. For me, cinnamon raisin bagels are for children only. You want sweet breakfasty things - get a muffin.

I have a bagel every morning! I love poppy seed, and the local place -- which is not up to New York standards, but is the best we got -- has a "dozen day" every Tuesday, when the price is reduced. They have a dozen poppy seed bagels for me ready to go, every other week.

Occasionally, when I stop in for a one-off and there if are no poppy seeds, I get a sesame seed and on rare occasions, a chocolate chip.

They make a bunch of varieties -- like things with cheese melted on top -- that I want no part of.

cheese on top, cheese in the middle, what's the difference?

Ceetar wrote: ↑Mon Apr 20, 2020 1:57 pm cheese on top, cheese in the middle, what's the difference?

Cereal, lasagna, a pile of morcilla, and seven vodka stingers together in my belly or pureed together in a big fucking bowl and ingested intravenously-- what's the difference?

cal sharpie wrote: ↑Mon Apr 20, 2020 12:47 pm Bagels are serious business. For me, cinnamon raisin bagels are for children only. You want sweet breakfasty things - get a muffin.

THANK you.

Plain, poppy, sesame, onion, garlic, everything (more recent, but something of an instant classic). I can see to stuff like rye or egg or pumpernickel, even if they're not my jam, because it kinda sorta fits in the eastern-European appetizing taste family. Cinnamon raisin's more for babkas and rugelach, but... okay, with a forgiving shmear like cream cheese or butter (again, not my jam--along with jam-- but still). Non-traditional ingredients are one thing... but if they're doing something entirely different than the original thing is meant to do-- make a bagel out of pancake batter and fill it with syrup, or make a sweet potato bagel and shmear it with turkey salad-- and it's not engaging at all with the thought or tradition behind the original thing, then it's not just a violation in letter of the law, but in the spirit. It's not just a taste thing... it's bad taste.

This wasn't a conversation I started (sorry, bml), and I'm not really a purist, but if you're doing something different to traditional ethnic food, do it for a reason, some reason. Otherwise, it's gratuitous. I mean, chocolate chip bagels? Are you fucking ten?

LWFS wrote: ↑Mon Apr 20, 2020 10:33 pm

This wasn't a conversation I started (sorry, bml), and I'm not really a purist, but if you're doing something different to traditional ethnic food, do it for a reason, some reason. Otherwise, it's gratuitous. I mean, chocolate chip bagels? Are you fucking ten?

A little help!?! Am stumped on the "bml" reference. If it helps, I never had a chocolate chip bagel, nor am I inclined to have one. I did put some capers in my bagel a few months ago, though that's not the same thing as a caper bagel. I'm more of a bagel purist.

batmagadanleadoff wrote: ↑Tue Apr 21, 2020 12:48 am

LWFS wrote: ↑Mon Apr 20, 2020 10:33 pm

This wasn't a conversation I started (sorry, bml), and I'm not really a purist, but if you're doing something different to traditional ethnic food, do it for a reason, some reason. Otherwise, it's gratuitous. I mean, chocolate chip bagels? Are you fucking ten?

A little help!?! Am stumped on the "bml" reference. If it helps, I never had a chocolate chip bagel, nor am I inclined to have one. I did put some capers in my bagel a few months ago, though that's not the same thing as a caper bagel. I'm more of a bagel purist.

Sorry... meant Edge. Somehow forgot who'd started the thread.

Capers are nice in a bagel. My 10-year-old practically REQUIRES them in hers. I think I've raised her right... on that front, anyhow.

They're so goddamn salty, though. Those capers were a Russ & Daughters option. Never had capers on a bagel before that. I liked 'em -- with the cream cheese and lox and tomatoes and onions. But no chocolate chips.

cal sharpie wrote: ↑Mon Apr 20, 2020 12:47 pm Bagels are serious business. For me, cinnamon raisin bagels are for children only. You want sweet breakfasty things - get a muffin.

i can't. i'm a muffin purist. and cinnamon raising isn't one of the eight.

While bagels are available here, it is impossible to find bialys.

Growing up, on our way home from church we'd swing by the bagel store and get a bag of bagels and Dad would also get a couple bailys -- not sure if that's the proper plural -- because he knew I liked them.

My favorite bagel story. I was attending a conference up at Columbia, and every day I'd run to a nearby bagel store, because nothing out here compares to the real thing. On the last day, before heading to the airport, I stopped at the store again and this time I bought a dozen poppy seed bagels, and asked the clerk if he had a plastic bag, explaining that I had to fit them in my luggage. He asked where I was going and why I wanted to buy so many. Then he went back to the counter and loaded me up with a bunch more, on the house. Those bagels were amazing.

BIG bialy guy here. When I'm doing a "bagel sandwich," I'm opting for a bialy. (In my mouth, bagels are for shmears, some pickled things, and a little smoked fish, maybe.)