LIVE FROM STOCKHOLM! 2023 TABLOID COVER DERBY!

[Benjamin Grimm]

Tabloid Cover Derby IX is now completed, and the Daily News has regained the crown after four consecutive losses to Newsday, which had dethroned the News after it had won the first four competitions.

2023 CHAMPION COVER
THEY DON'T GOT IT
New York Daily News, May 16, 2023.



This year's winning cover arrived in Stockholm in a unique manner... it was dropped from outer space! Early this morning, it was jettisoned from the International Space Station where it splash-landed in the Stockholms Ström (the Stream of Stockholm) less than a kilometer away from the Royal Palace!





The ceremony to unveil the winning cover was held on the streets of Stockholm and, for the first time, attended by two reigning monarchs. Sweden's Carl XVI Gustaf was joined by King Friday XIII, on a diplomatic mission from the Land of Make Believe. They were joined by Mister Met, CPF receptionist and reality show star Maja as well as the ghost of Swedish actress Greta Garbo.




As is customary, the winning cover is now on display in the lobby of the Kran Pool Forum Internationella Huvudkontoret, the CPF's International Headquarters. After the ceremony, Maja changed her clothes and returned to her post at the reception desk. Since her divorce last year from the ghost of Dean Martin, she has been seen with the ghost of Milton Berle, although both deny that they have any romantic relationship. In the foreground, we see 2023's Intern of the Year, Lucia-Hildur.



The winning cover is once again available as a shower curtain! You can get a THEY DON'T GOT IT shower curtain of your own at the CPF Gift Shop. Show your membership card for a 15 per cent discount!



Last year's winner, MISERY, has joined its predecessors on display at the Royal Academy of Fine Arts in Stockholm, where the seven covers are protected around the clock by an armed member of the Swedish Royal Guard. The exhibit, Tabloid Omslagsderby Mästerskapsgalleri, is once again sponsored by the Slate and Gravel Corporation of Bedrock.



As a result of their appearance on the winning cover, Mets outfielders Brandon Nimmo and Starling Marte will share a gigantic box of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco Treat. Because he was also on the second-place cover, Nimmo will also receive a copy of the Tabloid Cover Derby Home Game, available for sale wherever deeply unpopular toys and games are sold.





Thank you to everyone who participated in this year's Tabloid Cover Derby!
We'll return for a tenth year of voting in November 2024!

[G-Fafif]

Talk about redemption for not catching a ball.

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

Magnificent work. The only thing that could have made it better was Diddly Squat

[A Boy Named Seo]

STOP THE MUSIC and DIDDLY SQUAT were my other favs, but I think the best cover won.

THEY DON'T GOT IT was a #9 seed. What's the lowest seed to have won the Tabloid Cover Derby??

Wonderful, as always, Grimm, thank you!

[kcmets]

My next door neighbor works for Aramark (or the like) in our middle school
cafeteria. I saw her before and asked, "why no school today?" and she said,
'duh, Kev, it's Tabloid Cover Derby Day!" I was so embarrassed.

This is classic:

[Benjamin Grimm]

THEY DON'T GOT IT was a #9 seed. What's the lowest seed to have won the Tabloid Cover Derby??

Wonderful, as always, Grimm, thank you!

Our 2017 winner, GOD OF BLUNDER, was a number 12 seed. 2019's winner, STREAKERS, was a number 11. THEY DON'T GOT IT is actually the third number 9 seed to win, following 2018's MIDNIGHT BADNESS and last year's MISERY.

[Edgy MD]

This is just terrific work, apart from Maja's lack of pants.

I'm hoping some time with Garbo's ghost will teacher her a thing or two about class. We've got a business to run.

[Lefty Specialist]

Just. so. much. to. unpack. Thank you!

I gotta go to Stockholm one of these days.

[metirish]

Great work , a worthy winner, although I'm bummed Force of July didn't win

[bmfc1]

Here are two pictures from that game. In the second one, I might be reacting to what is pictured on the winning cover:

[Benjamin Grimm]

Is that TV's Anthony Anderson?

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

Nice cushy seats there, Mr. Howell.

[bmfc1]

Yes, Anthony Anderson was there (I think that he was in town for the Howard University graduation) and I had very nice seats courtesy of my friend's neighbor.

[Lefty Specialist]

I want one of those cool reverse Mets logo jerseys.

[bmfc1]

If I'm reading this right (I don't understand Swedish), of the 9 winning covers, one was historical, 5 were from home games, and 3 were from road games with all 3 taking place at N*tionals Park.

[Marshmallowmilkshake]

Here are two pictures from that game. In the second one, I might be reacting to what is pictured on the winning cover:

Podcaster Row! Nice seats.

Great work all around.

[Benjamin Grimm]

... and 3 were from road games with all 3 taking place at N*tionals Park.

That's an interesting coincidence!

Also, five of the nine covers are bad news.

[Lefty Specialist]

Well, it was a bad news kind of year.

[whippoorwill]

Perfect 👍🏻

[MFS62]

THEY DON'T GOT IT was a #9 seed. What's the lowest seed to have won the Tabloid Cover Derby??

Wonderful, as always, Grimm, thank you!

Our 2017 winner, GOD OF BLUNDER, was a number 12 seed. 2019's winner, STREAKERS, was a number 11. THEY DON'T GOT IT is actually the third number 9 seed to win, following 2018's MIDNIGHT BADNESS and last year's MISERY.

How did you get the ghost of Garbo to attend the ceremony?
I thought she "vanted to be alone".
Later

[Benjamin Grimm]

She couldn't resist the chance to meet King Friday XIII.

[whippoorwill]

She even dressed like he did!