LIVE FROM STOCKHOLM! 2022 TABLOID COVER DERBY!

[Benjamin Grimm]

Tabloid Cover Derby VIII is now completed, and Newsday, for the fourth consecutive year, has claimed the championship. This follows an initial streak of four consecutive wins by the Daily News.

2022 CHAMPION COVER
MISERY
Newsday, October 10, 2022.



Upon arriving in Stockholm, MISERY was presented at the palace to the Swedish Royal Guard by Mr. Met. This is Mr. Met's first visit to Stockholm. While there he hopes to meet up with Mr. Swedish Meatball, who has a similarly shaped head.




Meanwhile, our own Maja was enjoying a pre-ceremony lunch date with her new husband, the ghost of Dean Martin. The two met at last year's ceremony for THAT'S ALMORA. Dean's ghost followed Maja back to her reception desk and sparks flew!





The ceremony to unveil the winning cover was held on the palace grounds, and attended by Mets wife Kate Upton; the ghost of Swedish actor Max Von Sydow; CPF receptionist and reality show star Maja; Sweden's Queen Silvia; and the ghost of James Caan, who mistakenly thought the ceremony was to honor the 1990 film Misery (Castle Rock Entertainment) in which he co-starred with Kathy Bates. Ms. Bates is still living, so her ghost is unavailable.




As is customary, the winning cover is now on display in the lobby of the Kran Pool Forum Internationella Huvudkontoret, the CPF's International Headquarters. After the ceremony, Maja changed her clothes and returned to her post at the reception desk. She was accompanied by the ghost of Joey Bishop. One unfortunate side effect of being married to the ghost of Dean Martin is that you end up spending a lot of time with the ghost of Joey Bishop. In the foreground, we see 2022's Intern of the Year, Vilhelmina.



The winning cover is once again available as a shower curtain! You can get a MISERY shower curtain of your own at the CPF Gift Shop. Show your membership card for a 15 per cent discount!



Last year's winner, THAT'S ALMORA, has joined its predecessors on display at the Royal Academy of Fine Arts in Stockholm, where the seven covers are protected around the clock by an armed member of the Swedish Royal Guard. The exhibit, Tabloid Omslagsderby Mästerskapsgalleri, is sponsored by the Slate and Gravel Corporation of Bedrock.



As a result of his appearance on the winning cover, Francisco Lindor will receive a gigantic box of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco Treat. To honor his second-place finish, Mets designated hitter Daniel Vogelbach will receive a copy of the Tabloid Cover Derby Home Game, available for sale wherever deeply unpopular toys and games are sold.





Thank you to everyone who participated in this year's Tabloid Cover Derby!
We'll return for a ninth year of voting in November 2023!







A special thanks to our various CPF spokesmodels (Shelby, Marissa, Kira, Bob, Betty, Jerry, and Stranger) who traveled throughout London to showcase our winning covers. We appreciate their service as tireless promoters of the Tabloid Cover Derby.

[Fman99]

I'd like to doink supermodels and get shitcocked with the Rat Pack ghosts. Whom do I bill these travel expenses to exactly?

[metirish]

Amazing work , well done Misery, definitely had my votes

[MFS62]

Bravo!
Well done.
As always.

Later

[G-Fafif]

How nuts was that?

Not at all — it was entirely appropriate. Thank you to the home office in Stockholm for presiding over star-studded ceremonies that imply the very opposite of MISERY. The Padres may have won that series, but they’re spit out of luck if they thought they were getting back page play in New York or Stockholm.

Was Kate Upton representing the Verlander and Mets families, or was this a typically high-profile appearance she had booked in advance of Justin’s latest professional posting?

[Edgy MD]

Our specters are proliferating.

This is great — even though I'm pretty sure I didn't vote for MISERY in any single round. I look forward to expanding my collection of shower curtains.

[kcmets]

Meanwhile, our own Maja was enjoying a pre-ceremony lunch date with her new husband, the ghost of Dean Martin. The two met at last year's ceremony for THAT'S ALMORA. Dean's ghost followed Maja back to her reception desk and sparks flew!

How lucky can one guy be
I groped her and she groped me
As the fella once said, ain't that a kick in the head...

I've been scouring flea markets for a decade and have yet to land a
copy of the board game. Maybe this summer...

[Lefty Specialist]

Lol at the Chinese balloon over Stockholm.

Maja's desk is on my bucket list, dead Ratpackers be damned.

[Johnny Lunchbucket]

The shower curtain is always my favorite reveal.

[Marshmallowmilkshake]

I disagree with the selection -- but the photo of the reception desk is well worth it. Trying to figure out the elements. Who is that sleeping on the floor?

[bmfc1]

I don't see any horses in the lobby but maybe the giant frog ate them. I hope to see more of Vilhelmina next year if her internship continues.

I was pulling for "'Bach" in part as I was there that day and it would have been the 2d winning cover taken in DC while I was in attendance ("Yes-Pedes" was the other). If this had happened, I might have earned a place in a room off the lobby.

You can see me, moments before the runner-up cover was taken, on the right in the 3d row with my mouth agape.

[Edgy MD]

Internships are unpaid and for a year only. If we're going to add Wilhelmina as a salaried staffer, we need you to go out and bring us in new members.

Sign up twenty new memberships and you win the bicycle!